Eurovision Junior 2010: Preview

Eurovision Junior 2010 is in two days or so and yup, I haven’t commented. And I’ve got an exam to study for tomorrow, so this is gonna be really fast:

All the preview videos and etceteras are here, and I’m only going to comment them:

Lithuania is sending Zac Efron… sorry, I just got messed up. His name is Bartas, he’s fourteen and really, what are childs eating in Lithuania? He looks like an 1.80m Ken doll. When he’s seventeen he’s not going to join a boyband: He’s going to BE a boyband. Why sharing the stage with other boys?

The song, Oki Doki, is what you could expect: pop-ish, electronical and factory made. I like it.  And Lithuania gains the dubious distinction of sending to the Junior contest a better act than the one they sent to the main one.

Moldova brings us Stefan Roscovan with Alli-Baba.

After watching the rehearsals, he’s my candidate for a potential darkhorse. This song can make a really good act with the right choreography. And I’d say he has it.

Netherlands has Anna and Senna with My Family.

Oh, my. I don’t speak Dutch, and yet I can realiza how awful these lyrics must be. There’s a thin line between political correctness and bad taste, and these girls felt in the wrong side. Even so, they’re cute (And have a violin, violins are awesome!), specially the one who looks like Natalie Portman.

From Serbia, Sonja Škori? with ?arobna no?.

So, this is why Ovo Je Balkan was so shitty: Sonja had taken all the quality Serbia was allowed to spend this year. Shame on you, Sebia, your Junior act is kilometers above the adult one. Sonja actually could represent her country in the adult contest without any shame… and she’s one of the few kids this year that can carry a good tune without trouble.

(And here we can see how JESC, just like ESC, has it’s own bandwagons for everybody to jump in. It’s obvious that, as past year a 14-year old won, this year many countries will send older kids. There are few with representatives under thirteen)

Ukraine sends Yulia Gurska with Miy Litak.

The song isn’t half bad, but it isn’t in the same league than the big players this year. And, considering how my instints work, it actually could win (I have never been good at guessing)

Representing Sweden, Josephine Ridell with Allt jag vill ha.

And 2010 will pass to the history as The Year Sweden sent Boring Songs to Eurovision. Like, really, really boring. Both of them.

Now, ¿Remember how, after their first victory with ABBA, Sweden has kept sending ABBA reprises to the main contest? ¿And remember how Russia won the Junior contest with a jazz act?

Well, they sent the Tolmachevy twin’s evil twin the following year, and now are trying to doit again: Sasha Lazin and Liza Drozd, with love from Russia, singing Boy and Girl. Just like the Tolmachevy sisters, but now with mixed genders!

Latvia brings Viva la Dance in the voice of Sarlote Lenmane and the Sea Stones.

Another one to the sack: Watch and learn, Aisha: this is how you represent your country in an international song contest: Holding your tune. She seems to be hot in the polls, and I wouldn’t be angry if whe won, even if she’s not my favorite.

Belgium sends Anna and Senna… wait, we already were through this, didn’t we?

Wait, sorry, my mistake: Belgium sends Jill and Lauren with Get Up!. They’re just like Anna and Senna, except that they sing better and their melody is worse.

Armenia somehow managed to clone Dino Jelusic, speeding the clone’s growth so it looks like he’s twelve, called him Vladimir Arzumanyan and sent him to sing Mama. The problem is that they didn’t get a song as good as Dino’s, but this kid can sing and has lots of charm, so I’d say he stands a chance. But again, don’t trust my instinct.

(Besides, the fact that I think in three years from now he’s going to be an awfully hot dude makes me feel biased. And guilty)

Nicole Azzopardi, singing Knock knock! Boom boom!, comes from Malta.

One of the many things I hated about Safura’s Drip drop, (besides the song being completely pointless) was the way Safura moved to it. She tried to “drip drop” with her hands and head… and failed. Nicole, obviously, doesn’t have a problem. She knocks just like you’re supposed to knock when you’re knocking. Besides, she’s cute, has personality, and the song is one of the best this year. Go Nicole!

Belarus forgot to send a song.

Really.

Well, actually not, but Daniil Kozlov singing Muzyki Svet makes you wish they had. The song is bad, he can’t sing and there’s no way to fit a choreography in it. Damn, I miss Alexei. I even miss Ksenia. And the guys who sang Tantsui. What happened to you, Belarus?

Now let’s come to Georgia. Either I’m high or… no, I’m not high. They’re actually sending one of those songs: Mari-Dari, by Mariam Kakhelishvili.

¿Remember that Sweden won with ABBA? Now, remember how Georgia won JESC with an acid trip in a made up language? Well, they’re trying to get Europe to buy that again, but this time is even worse. This time it’s a solo girl. With minions. It’s scary.

And finally, Macedonia has Anja Veterova with Eooo, eooo.

JESC has got it’s own Aisha this year: Anja suffers of a very gross case of the Aisha disease. The song would actually be pleasant if she didn’t yell.

If I were a country, my points would be this way:

12 for Malta

10 for Latvia

8 for Serbia

7 for Armenia

6 for Moldova

5 for Lithuania

4 for Russia

3 for Netherlands

2 for Georgia

1 for Macedonia+

0 for Ukraine, Sweden, Belarus and Belgium.

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