Eurovision review: Semi 1

Yeah, almost a year after. Blame lots of things of STFU.

I will only review here the ones that didn’t pass, because I’m lazy.

Estonia: Malcolm Lincoln and Manpower 4 – Siren.

Well, at leas one song this year got the oblivion it deserved. I don’t understand how people can say it’s a masterpiece and too good for Eurovision.  It’s the closest a song with lyrics can get to abstract art. Yup, I don’t get it.

Slovakia: Kristina Pelakova – Horehronie.

The fact that this didn’t pass is, to say it mild, outrageous. Kristina, honey, you were robbed. But guess what? It was your own fault. Well, of your camera director. You had the best act in the contest and we couldn’t see it because all the takes were either close-ups, long range pans or taken in weird angles. I watched this and got the feeling of “WTF is going on in that stage”. Show me the choreography. SHOW ME THE CHOREOGRAPHY!

Finland: Kuunkuiskajat – Työlkii Elaä

And this… this is even more outrageous! They had the perfect mix of sillyness, fun and class. Oh, Finland, I love you!

Latvia: Aisha – What for?

What the hell is she wearing? And for what purpose? They plucked her eyebrows to make her gaze like Oliver Twist, and she’s wearing a big crucifix around her neck because otherwise we wouldn’t know her song is about God.  Oh, my. And we’ve not even started with the song and the voice. And we won’t because is too painful. If there’s something redeeming here is that we finally get to see the lights at work.

Poland: Marcin Mrozinski – Legenda.

I’m sorry… what was that about? I guess there was a story in there, with all the apples, strangulation and stuff  (Apple bowling! Brilliant!) but I got lost after the first minute.

Malta: Thea Garrett – My dream.

Really, dude, what do you have to do to qualify here? She has a good song, a great voice, a huge bird laying at her fet and bad hair! This act was perfect for Eurovision! Why, Mr. God, why?

Macedonia: Gjoko Taneski – Jas ja imam silata.

I wonder how much they paid to get Madonna as a backing dancer. And it didn’t paid off, mostly because a rapper sabotaged their act. Awful!

And that’s it. The non-qualifiers on the first semifinal.

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