Is this time of the year! No, not Christmas: even better. It’s Eurovision Season!
So, here we go again, with the preview for the first semi.
(This will get updated several times until I end. School calls)
If I’m gay, why am I attracted to this? She’s… wow. If this doesn’t win, Europe will deserve another Black Plague.
We told you. We warned you, and you didn’t listen. Now it’s too late: global warming is here and Norway thinks they’re a tropical country, sending a black girl with splendid legs and a song who really needs some zebras onstage. Kinda The Lion King, but without the Disney. Don’t worry, we’ll have plenty of Disney in some other songs.
And one more thing: you need boobs to dance to this. I tried, and you can’t do it without some jiggling and bouncing up there. Maybe I should get a pair of boobs.
I’m scared. Why are they sending this woman? Why are they sending this song? She really, really scares me. The song isn’t that bad, though, but I’m not gonna watch the performance.
Oooookay. We couldn’t even watch five songs without stepping on the first shitty song of the year. The worst part is that I don’t hate it. I know if you give me a little time, I might end up liking it, and I don’t want to because, man, this is sooooo crappy.
Just as any other Turkish act, but a little plainer. Although I can’t tell for sure: after all, it took me a couple months to start to appreciate Manga, or Mor ve Otessi, so I’ll wait and give this another chance. In October, maybe.
Thank you, Serbia, with all my heart, for bringing the 80’s back in all their glory. Or are they the 50’s? Any way, I love this. All the ugly things I said about Milan, forget them. I love you, Serbia!
Alexey is a grown up Bartas. Shut up, you know it’s true, and there’s nothing wrong with that. The chorus is awfully catchy and he’s good for the eyes. If sending what they sent last year barely missed top ten, we can bet Alexey will make it top five. I just will cross my fingers for a shirtless performance.
Anna is this year’s Lena with a dye job. The same akward body language, the same bad accent… she’s more 2010!Lena than 2011!Lena herself. The song is pleasant, but not on the big leagues. Bathroom break time, perhaps.
There should be a law against ruinning good songs by adding rap to them. Rap alone is good… or at least not bad. And power rock ballads are good. But the mix is the wrongest thing in the world. Why, Eldrine, why?
Paradise Oskar is NOT this year’s Tom Dice. First, because he is way cuter than Tom. And second, because he’s way more authentic than Tom. This is The Real Thing. The True Him And His Guitar Thing. If you want him to be this year’s someone, try this year’s Jon Lilygreen. Or Valters & Kazha. Or Nicole. (Of course, I have a weak spot for indie cute boys with guitars, so I can’t be unbiased. Sorry)
He could also be this year’s Alyosha for the idealistic, environmental message… except that there’s a better candidate for that title. Oh, and by the way, have I already say how much do I love the Finnish stages? Go Oskar!
Welcome back, San Marino! And WOW, way to come back: with a song that would make Chiara proud, a great singer and tons of class. And with a song like this, I’m pretty sure she’s gonna have the most gorgeous dress on the night. Just lose the shades, please.
Oh, my. It has enough quality to pass, I guess. I just hope block voting doesn’t play against it.
Here’s the story: Sigurjon Brink was a beloved Icelandic singer, who was racing to represent his country with this song, but suddenly he died. That means, his lovability factor raised up to eleven. Then six of his friends teamed up to perform the song in the national finals under the name of “Sigurjon’s friends”.
This, ladies and gentlemen, is a publicist’s wet dream. And if it wasn’t good enough, the song is named “Coming home”, and is a sweet, tender ballad. The kind of song that can perfectly be performed as a tribute. Of course, they crushed the competition in the national finals, but I’m not sure if Europe’s gonna buy it. If Latvia had done this with Martins Freimanis I totally would, I know.
If we judge by Hungary and San Marino, leaving and coming back is a really good thing. What about my dreams is this year’s Je ne sais quoi. A powerful song with a woman strong enough to sing it. I just hope she leaves the water bottle at home.
The end of the world is upon us: Portugal, from all countries, is sending a joke act. With lots of Village People and some drops of Brotherhood of Man. Anyway, I want them to win just to see next year’s context happen in that stage. It’s beautiful.
I promised you Disney, right? There you go, a big bucket full of Disney, with a big Disney light show and a big Disney dress. Well, almost Disney: she needs to drop the transparencies. You can’t show your legs if you’re singing a Disney Ballad, Evelina!
Azerbaijan really, really wants a victory, that’s for sure. They’ve been trying everything they can think of, and one of these years they’re gonna win. Maybe Eli and his big sister can take the crown home, I’m not sure. What I’m sure is we can expect lots of fanwork, stairs, a heavy lightshow, and if both of them dress in white and Eli shows some skin I will die happy.
Greece, I know you have top ten guaranteed, but at least you could try to put some effort. I never thought I’d say this, but I miss Giorgios. The worst part is that the guy who sings in Greek has the perfect voice to sing in Greek. Is the rap what truly ruins the song. Since they’re gonna make it top ten, all I can do is hope for them to sink to tenth place.
(And to think they had Magdalena’s little sister and didn’t send her)
So… that’s it. Nineteen people, from which:
The five who I totally want to pass to the final: Poland, Norway, Serbia, Finland and Hungary.
The five who should better stay here: Greece, Georgia, Malta, Albania and Turkey.
Let’s see, five more to complete the finalists: Russia, Croatia, San Marino, Azerbaijan and, just for my evil pleasure, Portugal.
Best female singer: Kati Wolf, from Hungary.
Worst female singer: No one is outstandingly bad, but Emmy sounds pretty annoying.
Best male singer: Loukas Giorkas (why, Greece, why the song?)
Worst male singer: Again, by elimination, it would be Glen Vella, from Malta.
Best song: Jestem, by Magdalena Tul of Poland.
Worst song: One more day, by Eldrine, from Georgia.
Best idea onstage: Everything about Jestem. It’s unbeatable.
Stupidest idea onstage: Everything about Luta e Alegria, by Portugal. Although Kati Wolf could surpass it if she carried a water bottle onstage.
And for the beauty pageant:
Best looks on a guy: Paradise Oskar
Cutest guy: Do I really need to say it?
Hottest guy: Sigh. Nobody is particularly hot this semi, so… Loukas, I guess.
Best looks on a girl: Nina, from Serbia.
Cutest girl: Stella from Norway. (Also, award for best legs)
Hottest girl: Magdalena Tul, fuck yeah!
So… we have a huge amount of female singers. And an even huger amount of English songs. And, looking at it, this is a pretty good semi, with lots of good songs and very few bad. (I’m not counting “shitty” as bad. Shitty songs are part of the Eurovision charm)
Off to semi 2!!!