Eurovision review. Semi 2: Good nonsense.

I watched the first semi because it was holiday in Mexico and I had the day off. But in the second I had school, so this is all going to be commented from youtube videos.

On the bright side, I almost didn’t have to hear Stefan and Ange. A little, yeah, because I could wander off and see the very end of the semi, but I was spared of most of their bad humour. Thank God.

And, if the theme for the first semi was legs, the theme for the second is the What The Factor. You know, when you’re left wondering What The…?

Exactly that. It starts with a sober Dino Merlin from Bosnia and a gorgeous Nadine Beiler from Austria. Bot passed, so…

Netherlands has pretty boring nonsense. The song is mildly good, but the staging is a waste of a white suit. Even if it’s 100% Bee Gees and has Val Kilmer on the guitar, it’s too dead. Sorry, Netherlands. Try Vader Abraham again next year.

No, not qualifying.

Belgium didn’t get the memo that vocal groups never work in Eurovision, and is giving us a totally classy nonsense. With no music, no antics, and quite an interesting act. If it serves as a consolation, I like them, but somehow they manage to make their three minutes last twice the other countries’.

Neither. Get the memo, Belgium!

Slovakia kidnapped Nikki from Azerbaijan! And cloned her! No, wait, it’s Twiins. They’re not even giving us nonsense. Meh. At least they have pretty dresses.

No, not qualifying. Sorry, Slovakia.

Then we have Ukraine with sand drawing, the most ourageous nonsense on the night by Moldova, and Eric Saade, he of the Disney Channel fame, from Sweden. All of them passing.

Cyprus has giant shiny lollypops and black diamonds on the background. And a shouting woman. I’ve got to admit they did a great job bringing to life a dead and buried song. They also got Michael Jackson’s magic shoes and great arms. Quite nice, actually.

Not qualifying, I don’t know if for good or bad.

Bulgaria has water and full force fans. But she left the keytar at home, which makes me sad. Still, she’s good. Even when she starts jumping like Aurela Gace, but with class. Weird, but classy.

Not qualifying. What? Maybe if she had sung in English…

Aaaandddd… Macedonia gets the award for best nonsense of the year, for delivering us a giant spinning cube with “Rusinka” on cyrilics, a spiral in the floor, and that guy… oh, that guy! Just look at him! He doesn’t know he’s on Eurovision, he doesn’t know what Eurovision is, and probably he doesn’t even know he’s live. He just knows he has a guitar in his hands and a microphone infront of him, and that he has to ROCK!

MUSIKA!

Not qualifying. This was awful, but enticing. I don’t like you, Europe.

Dana International, from Israel, singing Ding Dong. I have no words to say how disappointed I am right now.

No, not because she didn’t pass, but because she didn’t deserve to pass. (I know, I can’t believe I said it either). Look at her, she’s commiting every single unforgivable Eurovision sin there is. The camerawork is mediocre, the dress is awful and no, she wasn’t having a bad hair day. She was having a HORRIBLE hair day. Yeah, she rocks the stage, but honestly, you would expect a lot more from La Diva.

Not qualifying. Sorry, Dana, but you earned it. I feel really, absolutely, totaly betrayed by my two favourites this year.

Then we have Maja Keuc from Slovenia, who stole Magdalena’s outfit and attitude, a hot guy from Romania and cute nonsense from Estonia. All of them passed.

Anna Vinnikova loves Belarus, clearly. Also, she clearly had no clue of what to do with a LED screen. But the problem here is neither one. The problem here is that whenever one of the backing singers opens her mouth, she sounds bad BAD. But if this was an instrumental, I would have loved Belarus, no doubt of that.

Nope, not qualifying.

Someone commented on youtube: “I love Belarus, got a dick inside.” Now go, listen to the song, and try not to think about it. You’ll fail.

The dudes from Latvia knew you had to improve your song for Eurovision, so they did a brave and daring move: they swapped positions.

Just kidding, they didn’t. Only a camera trick, see? The song is e-x-a-c-t-l-y like it was in the national final: the same pointless lyrics, the same dumb moves and the same clothes. I hope at least they washed and ironed them for the ocassion. Oh, bravo, fake rap. The lead can really sing, but why, why this song?

Not passing. Figures.

And then a guy without back on his shirt from Denmark (glad to see they brought the balls) and the Scary Twins from Ireland. The intermission was a strange mix of ballet, classic music and breakdance. Pretty more interesting than the drums they used for first semi. Oh, and by the way, Ange, “Buenas Tardes” does NOT mean “Good night” in Spanish.

Off to the final!

 

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