Eurovision review: Let the bad songs rob the second semi!

The first semi did things quite good. I mean, all the nonqualifiers, or nearly all, didn’t have final quality, so I was quite content with the results. Here, on the other hand…

We start with Zeljko and Kaliopi. Allthe Balkans but Greece, Montenegro and Albania play in this semi, so we shouldn’t be surprised that they pass.

Joan Franka had, hands down, one of the best songs of the semi and she didn’t pass. Even if the delivery was far from perfect and the dress was an exageration, she. SHOULD. HAVE. PASSED. Justice is crying.

Then it comes Malta which surprised me quite dearly by earning their pass, and then Belarus, with a staging far better than Switzerland and Hungary, but with the same generic bland rock song. Seriously, I can barelly tell those songs apart.

Portugal has the best backgroun since LEDS were invented and a terrific song. The camerawork could be better and she had a minor slip at the beginning, but we know the main failure of this was not being Balkan. Or Soviet, because Gaitana passes with something far, far worse.

Bulgaria spent all their money on fireworks and couldn’t rent dancers, so Sofi Marinova spends three minutes parading alone onstage, with a huge boxing belt holding her breasts in place. I’m not sure if they qualify as Balkan, but for sure they didn’t get Balkan love.

Slovenia was better than expected, but still I can’t forgive them for not sending A Si Sanjal Me, so.. sorry.

What? Croatia didn’t pass either? I mean, yes, she was wearing the most horrible dress of the year, but in a five Balkan semi (six, if we count Bulgaria) I’m amazed she didn’t qualify. Even if she deserves it for not bringing the veil.

Sweden qualifies, of course, and of course, Georgia doesnt. They actually did a good job with a deliciously camp staging and a suit I would like to wear, but nothing, NOTHING, can save a song when it is this bad.

Turkey passes (duh!) and Estonia passes (yay!), but Slovakia is.. well… Slovakia, so they stay on the semi with a song that would give Turkey a top six. Max might be rocking the stage, I don’t know. All I know is he has a great torso and a nice butt.

Then they come Norway, Bosnia and Lithuania, and all of them pass.

Azerbaijan is so much of a diva that they got the winners of five years to do an interval on a SEMIFINAL. What they didn’t know is that for an interval the winners meant “drunk karaoke”. Dima at his gayest, Lena at her creepiest, Marija at her butchiest, random Alexander and Ell and Nikki who clearly haven’t seen each other since they won and didn’t care. For Waterloo, Dima either sings so bad that they cut his micro, or he was thinking nobody would notice we wasn’t even attempting shit. Extra points to Zeljko not singing along to Molitva and smiling patronisingly, while Kalilopi goes full force on it. And Tooji happy like a puppy with Fairytale was the cutest thing ever.

Let’s go to the final!

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