Category Archives: It’s a beautiful life

Junior Eurovision 2011: Preview

Ok, this is gonna be really, REALLY rushed. I’m never before been thankful for a Contest having few entrants.

Russia sends Katya Ryabova with “Kak Romeo y Dzhulyetta”.

She’s back, bitches! Sorry, but I just can’t be impartial while judging Katya, I’m too much of a fan. And while I liked Malenky Prints even better, “Romeo and Juliet” is quite a powerful song. She just needs to get rid of the skating part of the act to be perfect.

Latvia sends Amanda Basmakova with “Moondog”.

Wow, she’s giving us a beautiful ballad. We have officially this year’s “Carobna noc”, as long as she can pull those pitches live. After sending a great song with a staging too conservative last year… they need to go conservative this year: this is the kind of song that can stand on its own. And Latvia gains the dubious distinction of having a Junior act way better than the Main one. (Yup, still hate Musiqq and probably always will)

Moldova is sending Lerica with “No-no”.

She’s got the grooooveeee! And with a song about the pleasures of abstinence! What the hell are doing Moldovan kids right now? When I was her age all I lost were stamps, and I’m not thankful to her for making me feel like part of an old generation. Still, I like the song, it’s got the grooooooveeee!

Armenia is sending Dalita with… “Welcome to Armenia”.

Hum… yeah. You got it wrong, Armenia. This goes before the contest. Where’s the real act? Wait… that’s really it? They don’t want to get anything this year. Unless the contest takes place right at the airport.

Bulgaria is giving us “Supergeroy” by Ivan Ivanov.

Ok, so Bulgaria got a young Eric Sade with full leather jacket and disco beat.  Who sings about being a superhero! How cute is that? Let’s add that he’s a hottie in the making (Yup, come back in six years, kid, and we’ll talk) and we have a total winning combo.

Lithuania sends Paulina Skrabyte with “Debesys”.

The second pretty cute ballad sung by a girl of the year. But this is… to lacking of personality. Not Paulina (Although she DOES try too hard to please her audience) but the song, I just finished hearing it and I can’t remember it. Not good. But at least here we know what she can do live.

Ukraine sends “Evropa” by Kristall.

There’s something wrong with Ukraine. They got powerfull acts with good rhythm and stuff, but somehow they never hit the right point with me. Pass.

Macedonia gives us “Zhimi ovoj frak” by Dorijan Dlaka.

Don’t you love them Junior Jazz Acts? Since Russia is too busy sending Katya to take care of them, Macedonia decided they would make sure that we get our jazz act of the year and man, don’t they do a great job. I love this… thing. Even if he’s really singing about a coat.

Netherlands sends Rachel with “Ik ben en Teenager”.

Rebecca Black would be so proud of this love letter to autotune. How about giving us her real voice so we can judge? The tune is not that bad, though.

Belarus sends Lidia Zabolotskaya with “Angely dobra”.

And… the third oh-so-lovely-girl-sung-ballad of the year! With a great voice, an acceptable song, some yelling to prove she’s doing it live and VIOLINS! See, Belarus? It’s that easy! You’re forgiven for the atrocity you sent last year.

Sweden sends “Faller”, sung by Erik Rapp.

Did I say Bulgaria was sending a young Eric Saade? As all TV lawyers say: I withdraw the statement. Sweden is, and they’re not even bothering with the name. From now on, all we’ll see from Sweden on Eurovison will be innumerable iterations or Ericness!

Georgia sends “Candy” singing “Candy music”.

Wow, a group. That’s weird. They’re scary and stuff, but what’s really disturbing is that, for a Georgian JESC act, they’re pretty normal and low-key.

And finally, Belgium sends Femke with “Een kusje meer”.

Girl really needs a better attitude. The song is good and catchy, but she’s KILLING it by looking terrified and moving like a robot. Sister, you need to BELIEEEEVEEEE IIIIINNN YOOOOUUURRRSEEEEELLLLFFFF!

Well, it was pretty easy, I must admit, and most of the songs, with the exceptions of Armenia and  Georgia, are quite good. Georgia is just too weird to judge and Armenia is totally lost.

So, here we go. If I were a country, my points would go to:

12 – Russia

10 – Macedonia

8 – Bulgaria

7 – Belarus

6 – Latvia

5 – Lithuania

4 – Belgium

3 – Sweden

2  – Moldova

1 – Netherlands.

Let’s see tomorrow (Or later today, to be accurate) how it ends.

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¡Feliz 20 de septiembre, USA!

Yep. Estados Unidos se acerca poco a poco a ser un país civilizado. Es de esas cosas que dan gusto.

Yup, USA is got a little bit closer to being a civilized country. Nice.

Oh, my God, you guys!

Yep. Hace un par de días vi el musical de Legalmente Rubia en vivo y en directo, en español. Creo que desde Mamma Mia, hace algo así como siglo y medio, no me la pasaba tan bien en un musical. Y Mamma Mia la traían de Broadway.

Haciendo cuentas, yo creía que había muy pocos musicales que hubiera visto en más de una presentación, y resulta que no. Legalmente Rubia lo he visto en teatro grabado para televisión y en teatro en vivo. José el Soñador, Mamma Mia y El Violinista en el Tejado los he visto en teatro y en película. Hairspray y Vaselina, más o menos. He visto trozos en teatro, y las películas completas.  Creo que sólo Oliver!, Oklahoma, Vaselina 2, West Side Story y 7 novias para 7 hermanos los he visto sólo en película. Y sólo en teatro… ¿Imagination cuenta?

El caso es, en resumen, que me divertí como enano. Aunque perdí mi paraguas, me quedé sin dinero, me mojé un poco y etcétera, estuvo genial. Y es sorprendente lo mucho que lograron hacer con un presupuesto relativamente limitado (Digo, Una vez en la Isla fue un alarde insuperable de ingenio al respecto, pero esto no se quedó demasiado corto).

Y además, captaron bastante bien el espíritu del musical. Es un hecho que en un musical traducido es muy difícil conseguir que las letras encajen perfectamente, y siendo honesto, no lo consiguieron. Muchas frases sonaban forzadas, algunas incluso innecesariamente forzadas. Pero no fueron imperdonablemente muchas ni imperdonablemente forzadas, aunque claro, no hay NADA que no esté dispuesto a perdonarle a un musical de Legalmente Rubia, excepto la peluca marylinesca que le pusieron a Brooke.

Music Angel, por cierto, hizo una Brooke bastante convincente. Pero por Dios, la peluca… no, simplemente no.

Y su novio, digamos simplemente que se comió el papel con papas y mostaza. Tanto, que no le hicieron falta canas para ser un Callahan perfecto. Fue mi interpretación favorita de la obra. Y no hay derecho a que un chico heterosexual se vea TAN bien de traje. Ñam ñam.

Lo chistoso es que los protagónicos (Léase, Elle y Emmett), fueron las interpretaciones menos memorables de la obra. Como que les faltó darle alma al personaje. Creo que Warner me cayó mejor que Emmett, y es WARNER. Incluso contando con mi falta de objetividad, porque el chico que hacía de Warner está bastante mejor que el de Emmett (qué puedo decir, soy humano), la interpretación en sí misma fue bastante mejor.

La línea más memorable de la noche: “Más gay que Juan Gabriel”. En ese momento les perdoné a los traductores todas las líneas forzadas que había escuchado y que faltaba por escuchar. Eso fue oro puro.

Y el momento más divertido de la noche: las cosas que NO salieron bien en “Take it like a man”. Todos los movimientos del cambiador, las puertas que no cerraban, el chico intentando ponerse los pantalones con una mano y detener las puertas con la otra, mientras se detenía con la tercera y descubría que los humanos sólo tenemos dos manos, también fue oro puro.

Hello… Kitty!

Eurovision 2011: Overall preview.

Here’s an excerpt of all 43 songs, in alphabetical order. (There were some changes: Georgia changed the lead singer and Iceland switched to English)

First of all, what’s with redundant lyrics this year? We have “neverending forever” by Lithuania, “danger is a risky bussiness” by Germany, and the epic “don’t tell me that’s impossible, ‘cause I know it’s possible” by Sweden. Is it contagious?

Time to honor and dishonor them:

Best song overall: Jestem, by Magdalena Tul.

Worst song overall: One more day, by Eldrine.

Shittiest song overall: Boom Boom, by Emmy, with Que me quiten lo bailao by Lucía Pérez as runner-up.

Best performance overall: Jestem, by Magdalena Tul

Funniest performance overall: Rusinka, by Vlatko Ilievski

Worst performance overall: So Lucky, by Zdob si Zdub.

Best male singer overall: Loukas Giorkas, representing Greece.

Worst male singer overall: Vlatko Ilievski, representing the Republic of Macedonia (Although he could turn out to be a terrific singer if he can do that without ripping his throat)

Best female singer overall: Kati Wolf, representing Hungary.

Worst female singer overall: Emmy, representing Armenia. Good for her that her song doesn’t need more.

Best idea onstage overall: The keytar featured by Poli Genova, of Bulgaria. (Stella could to it if she finds a way to bend the rules and takes zebras onstage)

Stupidest idea onstage overall: The hats by Zdob si Zdub. (Kati Wolf might win over them if she takes her water bottle to Düsseldorf)

Best dressed nominees: Nadine Beiler from Austria, Nina from Serbia and Maja Keuc from Slovenia.

Frontrunners for the Barbara Dex Award: Getter Jaani from Estonia, Zdob si Zdub from Moldova, Evelina Sasenko from Lithuania and Dino Merlin from Bosnia & Herzegovina.

Best looks on a guy overall:  Paradise Oskar, with Eldar Gasimov on second place and Eric Saade on third.

Cutest guy: Exactly the same as above.

Hottest guy: Vlatko Ilievski, with Loukas Giorkas on second place and Eric Saade on third.

Best looks on a girl overall: Mika Newton, with Nina on second place and Lena on third.

Cutest girl overall: Stella Mwangi, with Nadine Beiler on second place and Lucía Pérez on third.

Hottest girl overall: Magdalena Tul, with Maja Keuc on a close second.

If there’s any justice in the world, the winner should be one of these:

Magdalena Tul, with Jestem, representing Poland

Dana International, with Ding Dong, representing Israel

Nina, with Caroban, representing Serbia

Kati Wolf, with What about my dreams, representing Hungary

Paradise Oskar, with Da Da Dam, representing Finland

If I were a country, my points would go to:

12: Poland

10: Serbia

8: Israel

7: Finland

6: Hungary

5: Spain

4: Croatia

3: Norway

2: Russia

1: Denmark

We have less absolutely awesome acts than last year, but the ones we have are stunning. I’d say this year isn’t as good as the past, but worth watching anyway.

That does it. The Real Thing starts in three weeks or so.

Eurovision Preview: The Finalists.

Because we’re too cool for semifinals:

France: Amaury Vassili – Sognu

Amaury Vassili is this year’s Patricia Kaas. You know, one of those times when France remembers they’re FRANCE with capitals and are supposed to have CLASS with capitals, so they take a big name and send it with the classiest song they can get. You can bet he’s gonna have lots of lights, lots of curtains, zero fireworks and I know he’s the frontrunner, but since I imagined him singing Trololo I can’t picture him winning.

Italy: Raphael Gualazzi – Madness of love

Please, someone tell me the difference between vintage and outdated, because I don’t know in which side this falls. Italy, if you’re doing a comeback after fourteen years, you should star with something more modern.

United Kingdom: Blue – I can

Like this, for example. This is the kind of song that you don’t need to listen to. What is important here is the show. And yet it’s gonna be on bottom ten. I take bets.

Germany: Lena – Taken by a stranger

Aurela and Jedward, get ready: The Creepy Act season is open, and Lena’s giving you a run for your money. I din’t like Satellite as a winner, but I liked it as a song, and Taken ruins it totally. So, I’m gonna pretend this doesn’t exist, okay?

Spain: Lucia Pérez – Que me quiten lo bailao

I pity you, rest of Europe. You can tell that Spain isn’t trying hard, but unless you speak Spanish you can’t fully appreciate the greatness of this non-effort. Those lyrics are of the kind a seven year-old would write. Fuck Yeah!

The Spanish sef-loathing has a lot to say, because they love to hate their entries. But don’t listen to them, this is brilliant!

Eurovision: Review of the Final.

This will get updated a few times before I finish, because blah blah blah.

I couldn’t see the beginning (screw TVE), but I know it had Alexander Rybak with a slow version of Fairytale and stuff. Whatever. Russia did it better, honestly.

And up to the songs!

Azerbaijan: Safura – Drip Drop.

That’s it, Safura! Take out the barechested dancers, and with them all that could possibly be interesting in your act!  BTW, look at the skirt. This is the fashion I was talking about last post. However, her dress is great (there had to be something good here). For whatever the reason it was, she’s wearing half of a glove, and there’s a man in black parading on the stage. Are we supposed to recognize him?

At the middle of the song, she goes to the little sidestage, they start the fans and she goes super dramatic. And then forgets to go to the center and has to hurry back. I can’t help but laughing every time I see her run.
5th. O Rly, Europe?

Spain: Daniel Diges – Algo pequeñito.

I’m impressed. The choreographer got the dancers in the most akward positions ever conceived, told them to hold the poses… and they did. Then some fucker sneaks onstage and they don’t even blink. Then THE GUARDS go onstage after that loser and they act like they weren’t there. Then the fucker goes onstage again… oh, wait, no, this time it was the backing singer. Also, here’s a nice work witht the fireworks.  Anyway, talk about professionalism.
15th. I wouldn’t mind if he and Safura traded places.

Norway: Didrik Solli-Tangen – My heart is yours.

What a shame. Such a hot man, with such a beautiful face, and specially such an amazing voice, wasted on that lame song! You can see he’s doing his best, but it’s impossible to save the song. Poor boy, poor, poor boy.

And Norway went simple and elegant about the antics. In fact, I was surprised that they put a lot of things on the stage, and only use lights for most of the song, and fireworks for like the last five seconds.
20th. The song deserved it. The singer didn’t.

Moldova: Olia Tira and Sunstroke Project – Run away

Now here are the antics! Because if it weren’t for acts like this, the contest would be too cheap! A violinist on a spinning platform, with a skeleton fluorescent violin! A girl doing her best to look at her worst, and then a sax and ohwaitwhatthehellishedoing???!!! Dude! There might be kids watching! Stop doing… THAT to the sax! Two dudes open their shirts to see if they can smug the gay vote, and the violinist makes faces. This is great!
22nd. What?

Cyprus: Jon Lilygreen and the Islanders – Life looks better on spring.

Here we have a high school band going to Eurovision. With a sweet song and a cute singer. I’m in love with Jon and with the song. For once, Eurovision was fair and had them at least pass to the final. You can tell Cyprus is not used to it because they didn’t know there were antics to use. Just lights. Cyprus, oh, Cyprus, I love you!
21st. Justice is in the floor, sore and bleeding. That’s at least 18 places lower than it deserved.

Bosnia & Herzegovina: Vukasin Brajic – Thunder and Lightning

Hey, look! There’s a fog machine! And intermitent lights with sound effects so we can realize the song is about thunders. Subtlety seems to be out of fashion this year.  And we get soft rock. So soft he puts his guitar carefully on the floor instead of smashing it. Too soft.
17th. And yet too high for the song.

Belgium: Brendan Fraser Tom Dice and his guitar.

This is kinda hipocritical, you know. Dude sings about how he and his guitar fight alone against the world. Dude has backing singers. Dude is a reality show runner-up!

Even with that, I liked the idea of dude singing on the catwalk. It gave the song a more intimate, close feeling. If something could make me forgive dude, it would be that.
6th. Sigh.

(Excuse me, I’m going to replay Jon Lilygreen. If you want to go indie, that’s how you do it)

Serbia: Milan Stankovic – Ovo je balkan.

Milan has teleporting booths, ready to take us from Crap land… to Craptastic land! After I read the translation of the lyrics, and heard the Spanish version, I don’t know if he should be tarred and feathered for singing it, or congratulated for daring to sing it.

Same goes for the performance, the dresses, and well, basically everything. It takes the bad taste beyond the extreme, right where it starts to become awesome.
13th. I would still have kept it on the semi.

Belarus: 3+2 – Butterflies.

If you ever wanted to see the lovechild of Tinkerbell and Mr. Lordi, watch at these women: unfurling wings, but, unlike Mr. Lordi’s, they sparkle. If Tomii Putaansu ever saw this, I bet he’d run to his bed and cover his head with the blankets. It’s scary. (My brother, a die-hard alternative rock fan, watched this and said he would need therapy after that. He didn’t)

The dresses, though, are fabulous. There have been entire editions with less glitter. And they obviously glued their feet to the ground so they wouldn’t accidentaly move and… there were no antics. They even didn’t change the lights more than once. Wow. So over the top, and yet so classy.

And one last thing: you have three women and two men, and the only name you can come up with is 3+2? Subtlety is in the floor with it’s nose broken.
24th, because… I don’t know.

Ireland: Niamh Kavannagh – It’s for you

Now, this is how a diva takes the stage: In a spectacular way and wearing a gorgeous dress! Look at the backing singers…. they are so mesmerized by her diva power that they don’t move at all. She can sing, not so much as many say, but she can, and the song is good… but she’s late by like fifteen years.
23rd. Damn. Even Charlotte did better with “Hero”, and she was waaaay cheaper than this.

Greece: Giorgos Alkaios & Friends – OPA!

Here it comes: the most overrated song this year. The singer doesn’t have a remarcable voice, or a remarcable presence, he isn’t hot, the song is kinda plain and without a good choreography, and even if the backing dancers are hot, they forgot their leather suits and had to dance on their pajamas.

Oh, and he promised a big surprise, never before seen, and what do we get? Fireworks in he drums. Meh.
8th, because Greece ALWAYS makes top ten. The times they don’t deserve it too.

UK: Josh Dubovie – That sounds good to me.

I hate doing this. And I hate it because I like the song but… Josh can’t sing. Not a single note. I would actually cry if the song wasn’t so lightearted and happy. Oh, and it’s totally obvious that he hooked up with at least one of the backing dancers last night.

25th and last. Why, UK, why?

Georgia: Sopho Nizharadze – Shine

Let’s face it: She was the best singer in the final. If you don’t believe me, just watch. The guys take her by her lungs and shake her, and she still keeps the tune. Nothing can come after that. Add that these are the best male chests we’re gonna see on the night (I know, it’s sad) and we have a winning combination.

9th. Well done, girl.

Turkey: MaNgA -We could be the same.

We can say what we want, but at least they are original. Dark scenery, a robot shaking it’s ass, a guy with a Jesus Christ complex… rock music! Are we sure they are the Turkish representatives and not some folks who got on the wrong stage?

By the end of the song, the robot starts cutting itself open, and there’s a girl inside. I’m not sure what are they trying to say.  It’s a highly conceptual performance. Or total rubbish, I’m not sure what. And then, the girl goes and seduces the lead singer, and they almost kiss. But it would be too straight for the contest. May be they do know where they are.

2nd. I’m not sure if they deserve it.

Albania:  Juliana Pasha – It’s all about you.

We have a say here in Mexico: The rich gone poor still has more than the poore gone rich.  Juliana being a perfect example of this:  She got a fat violinist slave, Whoopi Goldberg as a backing singer, a bad haircut and a tamer version of her original self… and she still outpowers any other contestant. Right about time of a GREAT act this year.

My brother, who was hiding in his room, goes out just to say he has heard this song so many times he even knows the lyrics. He doesn’t, of course, but it’s true that I might have overplayed it… except that a song like this can never be overplayed. There’s never enough.

15th. Fuck you, Europe.

Iceland: Hera Bjork – Je ne sais quoi

Beware Hera Bjork! She’s bigger than you, she’s better than you, and now she has minions! Little Heras parading all over the stage! And the background lights look like the electricians are on acid!

This is the second song in a row my brother recognizes, and I’m sure I played this a lot less than Juliana’s. In case you needed a proof this song is terrific. I love you, Hera.

19th, because Europe is out of it’s collective mind.

Ukraine: Alyosha – Sweet people.

With all the problems in their national selection, the Ukrainian broadcaster messed up, and sent a hobo instead of Alyosha.

No, wait, it IS Alyosha, it’s only that she’s dressed like a hobo. If there was any justice in the world, this would sweep at the Barbara Dex Award.

(In case you wonder, it didn’t)

The song is super-dramatic, super-hard, super-fan-enhanced and plain super-boring. But at least she can sing, and gets kudos for being the only artist in the night who dared to go truly solo.

10th. Damn me if I know why.

France: Jessy Matador – Allez! Olá! Olé!

Everything, absolutely everything, is wrong with this act, in a way InCulto can’t even dream to achieve. First a dude villagepeopleing, then he moves like he’s looking for a beach, a girl sings a little, they shake their crotches, and a full 10 seconds of bottom-shaking. And the way he says hello to the camera is the most stupid thing you’re gonna se in this contest. Even worse than InCulto’s sparkly trousers. A girl spanks Jessy’s ass, and we see a good looking dude with a horrible voice. He rips his shirt, but the camera never focuses on his chest. Too sad. Not that it could save this… thing, but at least there would have been something good to look at.

The nonsense goes on for another minute, and they keep on moving and yelling after the music stops. Right when you thought it couldn’t get any dumber.

By this moment, my brother is in shock and needs to go back to his room. Poor child.

12th. Like WTF, Europe.

Romania: Paula Seling & Ovi – Playing with fire.

You can’t say they aren’t putting effort. They got glowing fingers and real fire. The song truly is about fire, got it? I would have preferred both of them holding flamethrowers, but I doubt Norway would be pleased if they actually “burned this place down”. Although I would have loved it.

3rd. May be if they had destroyed the stage it would have been fair.

Russia: Peter Nalitch & Band – Lost and Forgotten

After fire, we get SNOW. And really, really bad quality. So bad it becomes funny and gets my brother to the couch again. When Peter looks at the “photo” we start cracking down, and by the time they start the fans we’re almost rolling on the floor. Peter,  my dopamine levels thank you.

(Oh, and almost a year later, when I’m reviewing this, my bro still recognized the song in the first fifteen seconds. It was THAT funny)

11th. Apparently, Europe doesn’t know crap about music.

Armenia: Eva Rivas – Apricot Stone.

That’s it. Subtlety is officially dead.

And I’m not talking about the boobflash on the very beginning (although that was smooth as a rhino) , but about the show. She has an apricot stone, hidden in her hand. You get it? Just like in the lyrics! And in case you haven’t got the idea yet, there’s an Eva-sized apricot stone in the middle of the stage.

And subtlety isn’t the only thing dead here. They also killed the act. It was perfect as it was in the national final! I don’t care if that guy is a national legend, or if you’re aiming for the Oldest People in Eurovision Record: KEEP. THE. HOOD.

KEEP. THE . SIMPLICITY.

And specially, KEEP. THE. DRESS. You don’t put jeans on a girl who’s singing an ethnic ballad. You just don’t, Armenia.

7th. Sigh.

Germany: Lena – Satellite.

There have been three times in the contest when I can tell for sure the victory has been because of politics: 1990 (Italy), 2003 (Turkey) and 2007 (Serbia).

This year isn’t so blatant, but yet I suspect Merkel’s hands had to do with Lena winning. Because Germany is paying the crisis for everybody else, and because I can’t see anything that would make this a worthy winner. They kept it in the same half-good level it has on the preview.

1st. I guess no other country was willing to pay for next year’s contest.

Portugal: Filipa Azevedo – Há Dias Assim

Now, this is one who did improve: her singing got better, her makeup got better, and even the dress got better. Not enought to take her to the big leagues, but it’s a worthy effort. Some moments she even looks pretty.

I have to say I admire Portugal’s determination… or cluelessness. They refuse totally to acknowledge the fact that any language other than English just doesn’t have a chance, and keep on sending their songs, in their language. That’s brave.

18th.

Israel: Harel Skaat – Milim

Another stubborn country. Less than Portugal (Or say… Spain or France), but yet, they stick to their own language more than most countries. And man, don’t they do an awesome job. Harel is gorgeous, the song is gorgeous and the stage show is gorgeous. He could have sung better, though, but with those looks I’m willing to forgive him almost anything.

14th. Too low.

Denmark: Chaneé & N’evergreen – In a moment like this

After all this, Denmark comes to teach us how you’re supposed to put on a good stage show, and suddenly they look like the only ones who truly know what they’re doing.

N’evergreen lost his suit and borrowed Juliana’s, even if it looked better on her. Chaneé is wearing a weird dress, and when the fans start I worry, because if they can move his hair that way, what won’t they do to her skirt. But somehow the skirt survives, and they go on to an epic closure. Way to make everybody else look like amateurs, Denmark.

4th. And well earned.

Then Spain goes to perform again, this time without intruders, we get a flashmob that most of people loved (I found it boring, except for the Verka Serduchka cameo), here come the votes and Lena wins. Bleh.

Alex Rybak goes onstage to give her the award and she asks him for a kiss. He points to his cheek. Bitch kisses him on the mouth and poor Alex runs away as fast as he can. I would too, totally. Then he tries to cover up urging the crowd to cheer for Lena. I won’t, sorry.

That was it. The top five, according to Europe, was:

1. Germany
2. Turkey
3. Romania
4. Denmark
5. Azerbaijan

My personal top five was:

1.  Albania
2. Cyprus
3. Iceland
4. Georgia
5. Denmark

The couch’s top five was:

1. Iceland
2. Spain
3. Albania
4. Denmark
5. Cyprus

Off to the next year.

In later news, Lena’s gonna represent Germany again. Sorry, but I don’t think the trick will work twice, so a Satellite clone won’t do. And everything that isn’t a Satellite clone would need more than Lena’s capable of, so I predict a bottom ten placing for Germany. Maybe even a bottom five.

Eurovision Review: Semi 2

Lithuania: InCulto- Eastern European Funk.

And the third one to the sack: this was not a good year for the Baltic States. Now, this is at the same time better and worse than Latvia and Estonia, because at least it’s interesting to watch. It starts like epileptic bartenders, goes downhill to stupid, then becomes so stupid it’s brilliant… and then jumps into being even more and more dumb. It takes talent to be under the bottom at that level, sure.

(Although I have to admit something: The background lights? The figures mimicking the singers? This was cuuuuuute and is, by far, the best use of that senseless lights this year. You win, InCulto)

Switzerland: Michael Von Der Heide – Il pleut de L’or

I wouldn’t call it outstanding, but sure it’s a solid performance, with a good use of the fans and the lights and the every little antic that stage could offer. And WOW: a golden jacket with golden pants. I want some, even if they could get me a beating if I went out to the street wearing them.

Sweden: Anna Bergendahl – This is my life.

Stop the whining about the political voting, Sweden, because if any country has ever benefited with block votes it’s you. But honestly, with an act like this, not even you could pass. Everyhing in this act, absolutely everything, is wrong, except the lights and maybe the voice. But the dress is wrong, the backing singers are wrong (if you want her to look like solo, don’t show them), the body language, the final scream… this is too wrong, Sweden! Not even a magical guitar can save her.

If you had sent “Yes man” instead of this I would have voted you top ten, but not with Anna. Sorry.

Netherlands: Sieneke – Ik ben verliefd

If you consider this went right after Alyosha’s boring and depressing song, Shalalie’s lighthearted spirit becomes even more powerful and evident. How could this NOT be voted into the final, Europe? What the hell is wrong with you?

Slovenia: Ansambel Roka Zlindere & Kalamari – Narodnozabavni Rock.

They are doing an awesome work with the lights… and that’s all that can be said about this. They didn’t bother in getting new clothes, new choreography or new anything. The accordion guy is cute, though. If he asked, I’d do him.

Bulgaria: Miro – Angel si ti

No. Just no. What have you done, Bulgaria? You had a classic in your hands and you ruined it! Why did you have to make Miro sing in English? The song was perfect! You gain points for the extragay factor, but you lose them for everything else. Incluing Miro’s clothes.

Croatia: Femminem – Lako Je Sve

Here’s the new trend in the contest: Short skirts with a long tail in the back. If I haven’t mentioned it yet it’s because all the other acts featuring those skirts passed to the final. Femminem didn’t and that really bothers me. This song was good, the performance was good and the choreography was acceptable. And they had a couple of Catwomen!

What was going on in Europe’s minds when they voted Azerbaijan and Ukraine over this?

Don’t answer that.

Eurovision review: Semi 1

Yeah, almost a year after. Blame lots of things of STFU.

I will only review here the ones that didn’t pass, because I’m lazy.

Estonia: Malcolm Lincoln and Manpower 4 – Siren.

Well, at leas one song this year got the oblivion it deserved. I don’t understand how people can say it’s a masterpiece and too good for Eurovision.  It’s the closest a song with lyrics can get to abstract art. Yup, I don’t get it.

Slovakia: Kristina Pelakova – Horehronie.

The fact that this didn’t pass is, to say it mild, outrageous. Kristina, honey, you were robbed. But guess what? It was your own fault. Well, of your camera director. You had the best act in the contest and we couldn’t see it because all the takes were either close-ups, long range pans or taken in weird angles. I watched this and got the feeling of “WTF is going on in that stage”. Show me the choreography. SHOW ME THE CHOREOGRAPHY!

Finland: Kuunkuiskajat – Työlkii Elaä

And this… this is even more outrageous! They had the perfect mix of sillyness, fun and class. Oh, Finland, I love you!

Latvia: Aisha – What for?

What the hell is she wearing? And for what purpose? They plucked her eyebrows to make her gaze like Oliver Twist, and she’s wearing a big crucifix around her neck because otherwise we wouldn’t know her song is about God.  Oh, my. And we’ve not even started with the song and the voice. And we won’t because is too painful. If there’s something redeeming here is that we finally get to see the lights at work.

Poland: Marcin Mrozinski – Legenda.

I’m sorry… what was that about? I guess there was a story in there, with all the apples, strangulation and stuff  (Apple bowling! Brilliant!) but I got lost after the first minute.

Malta: Thea Garrett – My dream.

Really, dude, what do you have to do to qualify here? She has a good song, a great voice, a huge bird laying at her fet and bad hair! This act was perfect for Eurovision! Why, Mr. God, why?

Macedonia: Gjoko Taneski – Jas ja imam silata.

I wonder how much they paid to get Madonna as a backing dancer. And it didn’t paid off, mostly because a rapper sabotaged their act. Awful!

And that’s it. The non-qualifiers on the first semifinal.

Do ask, will tell.

Yep, tarde, como siempre, pero… ¡Se consiguió! ¡El Senado estadounidense votó por eliminar la política de “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”.

¡Bienvenidos al siglo XXI, USA!

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¡Los dioses me quieren!

Davey Wavey pregunta en su blog sobre nuestras frases para comenzar el día llenándonos de energía y ánimo.

La verdad es que no tengo ninguna para comenzar el día… pero tengo muchas para usar a lo largo del día.  Tantas, que algunos de mis amigos pierden la paciencia, quejándose de que yo “siempre estoy de maravilla”. Bueno, pues es que lo estoy.

En el comedor del trabajo algunos amigos se ríen cuando digo extáticamente que “los dioses me quieren” simplemente porque hay sandía, o agua de naranja, o flan para el postre. Pero esa clase de cosas son las que me permiten mantener el ánimo a lo largo de todo el día. ¿Por qué sólo comenzar el día con una frase positiva? Hay que tenerlas para todo el día.

Así que, si tuviera que elegir una frase para iniciar, sería “Hoy va a ser un día genial”. Y a lo largo del día recordármelo con una de mis frases favoritas:

“LA VIDA ME QUIERE”.