Category Archives: Joligud

Junior Eurovision 2011: Preview

Ok, this is gonna be really, REALLY rushed. I’m never before been thankful for a Contest having few entrants.

Russia sends Katya Ryabova with “Kak Romeo y Dzhulyetta”.

She’s back, bitches! Sorry, but I just can’t be impartial while judging Katya, I’m too much of a fan. And while I liked Malenky Prints even better, “Romeo and Juliet” is quite a powerful song. She just needs to get rid of the skating part of the act to be perfect.

Latvia sends Amanda Basmakova with “Moondog”.

Wow, she’s giving us a beautiful ballad. We have officially this year’s “Carobna noc”, as long as she can pull those pitches live. After sending a great song with a staging too conservative last year… they need to go conservative this year: this is the kind of song that can stand on its own. And Latvia gains the dubious distinction of having a Junior act way better than the Main one. (Yup, still hate Musiqq and probably always will)

Moldova is sending Lerica with “No-no”.

She’s got the grooooveeee! And with a song about the pleasures of abstinence! What the hell are doing Moldovan kids right now? When I was her age all I lost were stamps, and I’m not thankful to her for making me feel like part of an old generation. Still, I like the song, it’s got the grooooooveeee!

Armenia is sending Dalita with… “Welcome to Armenia”.

Hum… yeah. You got it wrong, Armenia. This goes before the contest. Where’s the real act? Wait… that’s really it? They don’t want to get anything this year. Unless the contest takes place right at the airport.

Bulgaria is giving us “Supergeroy” by Ivan Ivanov.

Ok, so Bulgaria got a young Eric Sade with full leather jacket and disco beat.  Who sings about being a superhero! How cute is that? Let’s add that he’s a hottie in the making (Yup, come back in six years, kid, and we’ll talk) and we have a total winning combo.

Lithuania sends Paulina Skrabyte with “Debesys”.

The second pretty cute ballad sung by a girl of the year. But this is… to lacking of personality. Not Paulina (Although she DOES try too hard to please her audience) but the song, I just finished hearing it and I can’t remember it. Not good. But at least here we know what she can do live.

Ukraine sends “Evropa” by Kristall.

There’s something wrong with Ukraine. They got powerfull acts with good rhythm and stuff, but somehow they never hit the right point with me. Pass.

Macedonia gives us “Zhimi ovoj frak” by Dorijan Dlaka.

Don’t you love them Junior Jazz Acts? Since Russia is too busy sending Katya to take care of them, Macedonia decided they would make sure that we get our jazz act of the year and man, don’t they do a great job. I love this… thing. Even if he’s really singing about a coat.

Netherlands sends Rachel with “Ik ben en Teenager”.

Rebecca Black would be so proud of this love letter to autotune. How about giving us her real voice so we can judge? The tune is not that bad, though.

Belarus sends Lidia Zabolotskaya with “Angely dobra”.

And… the third oh-so-lovely-girl-sung-ballad of the year! With a great voice, an acceptable song, some yelling to prove she’s doing it live and VIOLINS! See, Belarus? It’s that easy! You’re forgiven for the atrocity you sent last year.

Sweden sends “Faller”, sung by Erik Rapp.

Did I say Bulgaria was sending a young Eric Saade? As all TV lawyers say: I withdraw the statement. Sweden is, and they’re not even bothering with the name. From now on, all we’ll see from Sweden on Eurovison will be innumerable iterations or Ericness!

Georgia sends “Candy” singing “Candy music”.

Wow, a group. That’s weird. They’re scary and stuff, but what’s really disturbing is that, for a Georgian JESC act, they’re pretty normal and low-key.

And finally, Belgium sends Femke with “Een kusje meer”.

Girl really needs a better attitude. The song is good and catchy, but she’s KILLING it by looking terrified and moving like a robot. Sister, you need to BELIEEEEVEEEE IIIIINNN YOOOOUUURRRSEEEEELLLLFFFF!

Well, it was pretty easy, I must admit, and most of the songs, with the exceptions of Armenia and  Georgia, are quite good. Georgia is just too weird to judge and Armenia is totally lost.

So, here we go. If I were a country, my points would go to:

12 – Russia

10 – Macedonia

8 – Bulgaria

7 – Belarus

6 – Latvia

5 – Lithuania

4 – Belgium

3 – Sweden

2  – Moldova

1 – Netherlands.

Let’s see tomorrow (Or later today, to be accurate) how it ends.

Because dreams come for free:

Saint Louis, 1926. The years of prohibition. A world full of glamour and danger.

The Little Daisy cafe tries to outlive his founder, Atlas, misteriously murdered. But things are not easy.

Tom Welling

Tom Welling as Nicodeme

Dita Von Teese

Dita Von Teese as Seraphine

Arnold Schwarzenegger

Arnold Schwarzenegger as Viktor

Joseph Gordon-Levitt

Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Zib

Kathy Bates

Kathy Bates as Nina

AnnaSophia Robb as Ivy

Hugo Weaving

Hugo Weaving as Mordecai

Dita Von Teese

Ewan McGregor as Wick

Eva Green

Eva Green as Mitzy

And starring:

Shawn Pyfrom as Freckle

Shawn Pyfrom

And Nathaniel David Becker as Rocky

Nathaniel David Becker

LACKADAISY, THE MOVIE.

COMING SOON

Yes, I know Dita Von Teese is not an actress. So what? That’s why she’s gonna be paired with Tom Welling. No one’s ever gonna notice…

Eurovision Junior 2010: Preview

Eurovision Junior 2010 is in two days or so and yup, I haven’t commented. And I’ve got an exam to study for tomorrow, so this is gonna be really fast:

All the preview videos and etceteras are here, and I’m only going to comment them:

Lithuania is sending Zac Efron… sorry, I just got messed up. His name is Bartas, he’s fourteen and really, what are childs eating in Lithuania? He looks like an 1.80m Ken doll. When he’s seventeen he’s not going to join a boyband: He’s going to BE a boyband. Why sharing the stage with other boys?

The song, Oki Doki, is what you could expect: pop-ish, electronical and factory made. I like it.  And Lithuania gains the dubious distinction of sending to the Junior contest a better act than the one they sent to the main one.

Moldova brings us Stefan Roscovan with Alli-Baba.

After watching the rehearsals, he’s my candidate for a potential darkhorse. This song can make a really good act with the right choreography. And I’d say he has it.

Netherlands has Anna and Senna with My Family.

Oh, my. I don’t speak Dutch, and yet I can realiza how awful these lyrics must be. There’s a thin line between political correctness and bad taste, and these girls felt in the wrong side. Even so, they’re cute (And have a violin, violins are awesome!), specially the one who looks like Natalie Portman.

From Serbia, Sonja Škori? with ?arobna no?.

So, this is why Ovo Je Balkan was so shitty: Sonja had taken all the quality Serbia was allowed to spend this year. Shame on you, Sebia, your Junior act is kilometers above the adult one. Sonja actually could represent her country in the adult contest without any shame… and she’s one of the few kids this year that can carry a good tune without trouble.

(And here we can see how JESC, just like ESC, has it’s own bandwagons for everybody to jump in. It’s obvious that, as past year a 14-year old won, this year many countries will send older kids. There are few with representatives under thirteen)

Ukraine sends Yulia Gurska with Miy Litak.

The song isn’t half bad, but it isn’t in the same league than the big players this year. And, considering how my instints work, it actually could win (I have never been good at guessing)

Representing Sweden, Josephine Ridell with Allt jag vill ha.

And 2010 will pass to the history as The Year Sweden sent Boring Songs to Eurovision. Like, really, really boring. Both of them.

Now, ¿Remember how, after their first victory with ABBA, Sweden has kept sending ABBA reprises to the main contest? ¿And remember how Russia won the Junior contest with a jazz act?

Well, they sent the Tolmachevy twin’s evil twin the following year, and now are trying to doit again: Sasha Lazin and Liza Drozd, with love from Russia, singing Boy and Girl. Just like the Tolmachevy sisters, but now with mixed genders!

Latvia brings Viva la Dance in the voice of Sarlote Lenmane and the Sea Stones.

Another one to the sack: Watch and learn, Aisha: this is how you represent your country in an international song contest: Holding your tune. She seems to be hot in the polls, and I wouldn’t be angry if whe won, even if she’s not my favorite.

Belgium sends Anna and Senna… wait, we already were through this, didn’t we?

Wait, sorry, my mistake: Belgium sends Jill and Lauren with Get Up!. They’re just like Anna and Senna, except that they sing better and their melody is worse.

Armenia somehow managed to clone Dino Jelusic, speeding the clone’s growth so it looks like he’s twelve, called him Vladimir Arzumanyan and sent him to sing Mama. The problem is that they didn’t get a song as good as Dino’s, but this kid can sing and has lots of charm, so I’d say he stands a chance. But again, don’t trust my instinct.

(Besides, the fact that I think in three years from now he’s going to be an awfully hot dude makes me feel biased. And guilty)

Nicole Azzopardi, singing Knock knock! Boom boom!, comes from Malta.

One of the many things I hated about Safura’s Drip drop, (besides the song being completely pointless) was the way Safura moved to it. She tried to “drip drop” with her hands and head… and failed. Nicole, obviously, doesn’t have a problem. She knocks just like you’re supposed to knock when you’re knocking. Besides, she’s cute, has personality, and the song is one of the best this year. Go Nicole!

Belarus forgot to send a song.

Really.

Well, actually not, but Daniil Kozlov singing Muzyki Svet makes you wish they had. The song is bad, he can’t sing and there’s no way to fit a choreography in it. Damn, I miss Alexei. I even miss Ksenia. And the guys who sang Tantsui. What happened to you, Belarus?

Now let’s come to Georgia. Either I’m high or… no, I’m not high. They’re actually sending one of those songs: Mari-Dari, by Mariam Kakhelishvili.

¿Remember that Sweden won with ABBA? Now, remember how Georgia won JESC with an acid trip in a made up language? Well, they’re trying to get Europe to buy that again, but this time is even worse. This time it’s a solo girl. With minions. It’s scary.

And finally, Macedonia has Anja Veterova with Eooo, eooo.

JESC has got it’s own Aisha this year: Anja suffers of a very gross case of the Aisha disease. The song would actually be pleasant if she didn’t yell.

If I were a country, my points would be this way:

12 for Malta

10 for Latvia

8 for Serbia

7 for Armenia

6 for Moldova

5 for Lithuania

4 for Russia

3 for Netherlands

2 for Georgia

1 for Macedonia+

0 for Ukraine, Sweden, Belarus and Belgium.

Road to Eurovision 2010: Semi 2

We’re over with semi 1, now it’s time for the second semifinal preview (The five countries with direct ticket to the final will have a post of their own).

Disclaimer: This will get updated a lot, because there are 17 songs to be reviewed and I won’t do all of them at once, so if you get here and it’s not over, come back in a few days, OK?

And now:

Lithuania: InCulto – Eastern European Funk

According to Wikipedia, Lithuania was centimeters close to withdraw prior to this contest, until the telecommunications company Teo LT donated money so they could afford sending an act.

Watching this makes me wish Teo LT had decided to use their money to buy free ponies for lithuanian kids or something just as useful, instead of financing a shameful act. Like, really.

I know it’s supposed to be experimental music, and the beginning is way one of the most interesting thing I’ve seen this year, but from then everything goes downhill in so many ways it’s almost unbelievable that much badness is packed in only 2:44.

First, the fake instruments. I have no clue in what bloody universe this can be taken seriously. Right, Ksenia Sitnik did it back in 2005 and won with it, but it was the Junior Contest and she was ten years old. And she did it in a moderately cool way, not even getting close to the atrociousness we see here.

And then, the glittery underwear. (No, those are not shorts, they’re underwear, trust me) Yeah, Eurovision is Gay Territory, but there are certain things only allowed to Verka Serduchka, and even she made it into full suits. No gay points here because it’s done without class.

You, guys, are hot, but if you want to show your thighs, you better do it while showing also your bare chests. Having those trunks with shirts and ties is not hot, is not something I want to look at and is not… just not.

The good news: you still can do it. The music is good and interesting and you can sing, so just drop the fake instruments and, for God’s sake, rip your shirts instead of your pants.

Armenia: Eva Rivas – Apricot Stone

¡OMG! ¡Angelina Jolie is taking part in Eurovision Song Contest!

Sorry, no, just a lookalike, who I guess sings way better than Angelina and does a great, great job. This somehow reminds me Sertab Erener’s “Every way that I can”, but with style. Eva has winner quality, something I’m sorry to say Sertab didn’t have. (Yeah, I just said the 2003 winning song has no style or winner quality, and I stick with it).

The only thing I’m unhappy with is that Eva moves too much. It does’nt fit the song. But even so, this is the second time (after Kristina, of course) that I say: Now we’re talking.

Israel: Harel Skaat – Milim

First, let me drool a little. Harel’s got the kind of handsomeness only jewish genes can give. He’s like Yuval David, only less cute. (Once I got to see a man like these two live, and in person they’re even more breathtaking)

Second, let me drool a little more. Not about the minimalist stage, but about the lighting. I don’t know who did it, but I love them.

About the song, this will be the first man entering the Winner Quality Club, because yes, he does have it. I could see this song going high in a non-Eurovision way: they drop everything that is not necessary, abandoning the fireworks, the choreography and the backing stuff, so everything here is to serve the song, and it’s done amazingly. They turn what otherwise would be a dull song (compare with “Thunder and Lightning”) into a wonderful act.

Also, I could see it going high in an Eurovision way because, as I said, Harel is gorgeous. The only bad thing is his body language: he bends so much it looks like his back hurts or something.

Denmark: Chanée & N’evergreen – In a moment like this.

Wow. Just WOW.

A gorgeous stage, a wonderful performance with Wind Machine and Blinding Lights included, taking us really close for a third Winner Quality Act in a row. The only reason they aren’t is because the song is too simple and Chanée’s geisha makeup (Red Code in Denmark! Red Code in Denmark!). I don’t like the dress, but I guess we can get along with it. They also get gay points for looks. On both of them.

So, they’re a must and I’d like to see them passing and scoring high… maybe even winning, despite they’re below at least three songs in this contest.

Also, ¿Isn’t that guitar at the beginning stolen from the Carebears II movie ending?

Just listen:

Switzerland: Michael Von der Heide – I’ll pleut de’lor

Deen, you better run, because Michael Von der Heide might just be the gayest thing ever shown in Eurovision. It depends on the kind of pants he chooses to match his golden jacket (which I hope he keeps for the ESC performance, because golden jackets are awesome… damn, now I want one). He also has a great voice (the best in this semi so far), only that it’s wasted in a rather bland song.

Also, ¿Is he really hitting 40 years old? He looks a lot younger to me. Not handsome, but young… and that explains a lot about the gayness.

Sweden: Anna Bergendahl – This is my Life.

I watched the performance. I watched it again. And again. Still looking for something clever to say about it, and I didn’t find it. Is it a good or a bad thing?

The only thing to comment here is that there’s no fastest way to go from Best Dressed frontrunner to Barbara Dex Award frontrunner than wearing a totally classy white dress with totally classless pink (or are they red?) Converse shoes. Anna, even I know that.

Azerbaijan: Safura Alizadeh: Drip Drop

Warning: If you suffer epilepsia or thing you might, perhaps you shouldn’t watch this. The background screen caused me a headache, and I don’t suffer epilepsia.

The backing dancers, oh, those backing dancers! They’re just mesmerizing. Now I’m in trouble to choose between Giorgio’s and these ones. I didn’t hear the lyrics, or paid attention to Safura’s voice and performance. Whatever, I didn’t miss anything important.

I’d say the only chance to score this act has are the dancers (let’s face it, Safura is only an excuse to show off them) and the brilliant choreography.

Ukraine: Alyosha – Sweet People.

Here’s the full story: Ukraine internally selected the artist who would represent them. It’s not uncommon, in fact, it’s the same choosing procedure that gave us Ruslana and Ani Lorak.

They picked Vasyl Lazarovich and gave a national final, in which the song “I love you” was chosen:

It just happened this time people didn’t like the fact that the artist was handpicked, and so, less than week before deadline, a new national final was held and Alyosha was chosen, with “To Be Free”:

And then, they discovered “To Be Free” broke the rules in at least two different ways: It had been released two years before, and it also plagiarized some other song. So, Ukraine was in a no-win situation: they couldn’t send Alyosha with that song, and they couldn’t change it or withdraw it without a fine, because deadline had already passed. So they took the fine and changed it, which leads us to “Sweet People”.

Now, if only all that trouble had been worth it. They finally stuck with a profound, dramatic song with nothing remarkable, and a singer with a nice voice, but who suffers the same disease Aisha does. Europe really should think about making a vaccine.

Netherlands: Sieneke – Ich ben verliefd (Sha-la-lie)

This is from the same guy who composed the Smurf song. So Yeah.

Nope, it can’t be taken seriously. Nope, it can’t win, and I doubt it even make it to the final, and I still love it. Like Työlki ellää does in the first semi, Sha-la-lie is responsible for giving us a true funny moment to enjoy here, and take away seriousness for a while. Thanks, Sieneke.

And she can sing more than it might seem. Come on, listen to it again.

Romania: Paula Seling & Ovi: Playing with fire

Sorry, can somebody explain to me what I just watched?

Ok, he’s not so bad looking, she’s hot and wearing leather, they have a good translucent piano and, right when I was giving up my hopes, a “Fire/Desire” rhyme which, you know, is a Must here (a contest can’t properly call itself Eurovision if there isn’t a “Fire/Desire” rhyme) but somehow then you gather all of it together, nothing manages to make sense.

The song has some high points (Might be on the best songs in this semi) and Paula gives us an impressive vocal showoff as a bridge, but it doesn’t work. And it’s not only the fact that Ovi is so obviously gay that you can’t buy him singing those lyrics, its… something else. I don’t know what.

Slovenia: Ansambel Roka Žlindre & Kalamari – Narodno Zabavni Rock

Yeah, I get it. You’re merging folk with rock. That’s why the girl’s got what may likely be a Slovenian traditional outfit, while the guy is supossed to be a rocker.

You can bold “supossed” if you want. That’s not a proper rocker look.Lose the scarf, cut your hair shorter and grease it, and give him a full black shirt, with no prints on it. The idea is good and not so bad-done, but the looks have some trouble here.

Even so, although it’s a refreshing concept and so, I don’t see it getting in the final (neither in my wishes nor in reality),in spite of having the first stage in this semi actually worth drooling.

Edit: second, there’s also Denmark.

Ireland: Niam Kavanagh – It’s for you

Another pretty stage, nice. About the song…

Hum, not bad at all for a previous winner, but it’s too 1990’s and the 90’s have been over for a decade. This is not anymore the times where you could win only by having a decent song, singing it in a decent way and being Irish (which are all fully acomplished by Niam) so, even if this is good, doesn’t make the cut to winner quality.

However, if at the end I happen to have a free seat in The Five Who Should, it will probably go for her. Because, on top of all I wrote before, she also has great lighting and amazing hair. Well, everyone there has amazing hair.

Bulgaria: Miroslav Kostadinov “Miro” – Angel si ti

Wait. Is there really in nature facial hair featuring that color? I was so shocked the first time I saw it that I had to rewind and watch again. Yep, it IS that color.

You’ve got more than half the road walked, Miro, but if you’re going to pretend to lose your shirt, you better damn lose it and become the next Sakis. You’re hot enough to afford doing it.

Also, lose the chains. Completely. You don’t need them.

This is, in fact, really close to winner quality, it only needs a little more sophistication… which doesn’t mean “plastic”, by the way, don’t take me wrong. In fact, the opposite.

Cyprus: Jon Lilygreen and The Islanders

One of the true awesome consequences of having your chances dead even before you start is that you don’t have to make an effort to please everyone. That’s the case with Cyprus (And I’m not dramatizing: they have reached the bottom of top five only three times, and 2005 was the last time they made it to the final, and their best semi result was fouteenth)

In a nutshell, they’ve got nothing to lose, just like Andorra and Portugal, so they can send virtually anything. That’s the reason we got “Jugar’em a estimar-nos”, “Todas las ruas do amor”, and “Life looks better in spring”. This guy, singing this song, is like a Christmas present.

Forgive me if I get corny, but somehow I don’t even care by being almost certain that this won’t pass to the final. Having on the contest is enough. Thanks, Jon.

(Sorry if I got too heartfelt, but… well, I’m in love)

Croatia: Femminem- Lako je sve

I’d say we might have a winner for best lighting. Is this or Israel. Also, one of the most beautiful stages in the contest, a powerful, passionate song, and three girls strong enough to sing the song in the level it requires.

All that said: What, in Heaven’s name, are they doing on that stage? What’s-with-the-dance? This song doesn’t deserve that performance, it really does.

The good news is that even if the performance is not up to the song, they still could do it. Yeah, the song is that good.

Georgia: Sopho Niharadze – Shine

“Shine” is “Drip Drop”, but with better lyrics, a better singer, more class, and unfortunatelly, fully dressed backing dancers.

Now, I’m biased against this song because it has been overpromoted on Facebook, but looking through my bias, I’d say this is good. Not winner quality, but good.

Turkey: MaNga – We could be the same

Oh, now we have not only a “Fire/Desire” rhyme in this semi, but also a “Eyes/Surprise” one. Classic, guys, just classic. Not a Must, but almost. Couple it with a white outfit, Deli-like music and Hard Rock Hallellujah-ish lighting and fireworks, and we get officially the most eurovisive song on the semi. It also makes harder for me to pick who I want to pass, because this is quite good in a Deli-ish way.

Now, let’s end this with the nominations and awards for this semi:

The Five Who Should:
Eva Rivas, representing Armenia.
Harel Skaat, representing Israel.
Chanée & N’evergreen, representing Denmark.
Miro, representing Bulgaria.
Jon Lilygreen & The Islanders, representing Cyprus (again, dreams come for free).

The Five Who Shouldn’t:
InCulto, representing Lithuania.
Alyosha, representing Ukraine.
Anna Bergendahl, representing Sweden.
Ansambel Zlindra & Kalamari, representing Slovenia.
Paula Seling & Ovi, representing Romania.

If i had to complete the ten whom I want in the final, it would be Netherlands, Azerbaijan (just because I want to see those dancers twice), Switzerland, Croatia and Turkey.

Best Song: Angel si ti, by Miro.
Worst Song: Drip Drop, by Safura.

Best Performance: In a moment like this, by Chanée & N’evergreen
Funniest performance: Ich ben verliefd (Sha-la-lie), by Sieneke
Worst performance: Playing with fire, by Paula Seling & Ovi (yeah, they ruin a really good song, and it’s all in the performance)

Best Male Singer: Michael von der Heide, representing Switzerland.
Worst Male Singer: InCulto, but it’s only because I have to name somebody, they’re not that bad.

Best Female Singer: Sofia Niharadze, representing Georgia.
Worst Female Singer: Alyosha, representing Ukraine.

Best Idea Onstage: The translucent wall on In a Moment Like This, by Chanée & N’evergreen.
Stupidest Idea Onstage: Tie between the fake instruments and the shiny trunks in Eastern European Funk, by InCulto.

Best Dressed: Eva Rivas, Sieneke and Michael von der Heide (Golden jackets FTW!)
Frontrunners for the Barbara Dex Award: InCulto and Anna Bergendahl.

Best Teeth: Paula Seling, of course! Look at her teeth!

Comparing both semis, the second has a more consistent quality, in fact I had to force me a little to pick the last two on The Five Who Shouldn’t, as they’re not that bad (In semi 1, in the other hand, I had to handpick Macedonia to stay out of the list), and also had trouble picking the worst song. Chosing the best one was hard, too, because besides Bulgaria there were Armenia, Turkey and Cyprus.

Oddly, it seems Niam Kavanagh, who’s a previous winner, is the only one who didn’t get mentioned, for good or bad, in this list.

Now we’ve got only five songs left to review: the Big Four plus Norway, i.e: the ones with a direct ticket to the final. They’ll be reviewed on Monday, I hope.

Edit: Here’s the missing part: Vanity Fair, i.e: Beauty awards.

Best looks on a girl: Niamh Kavannagh. She looks great (and I had to include her somewhere)
Hottest girl: Paula Seling.
Cutest girl: Sieneke. Completely.

Best looks on a guy: Harel Skaat.
Hottest guy: Miro and his gymnasts.
Cutest guy: Is it really necesary asking? Ok, Jon Lilygreen.

Road to Eurovision 2010: Semi-1

Here we go: this is the preview for the first Semifinal on Eurovision 2010. There are ceirtan things I hope get changed for the actual performances on the contest, as these are only the ones on the national finals, but I think it gives us a glimpse about how it can get in time. The acts featured in this semifinal are listed below:

SunStroke Project and Olia Tira represent  Moldova with “Run Away”
Peter Nalitch and Friends represent  Russia with “Lost and Forgotten”
Malcolm Lincoln and Manpower 4 represent  Estonia with “Siren”
Kristina represents  Slovakia with “Horehronie”
Kuunkuiskaajat represent  Finland with “Työlki Ellää”
Aisha represents  Latvia with “What For?”
Milan Stankovi? represents  Serbia with “Ovo je Balkan
Vukašin Braji? represents  Bosnia and Herzegovina with “Thunder and Lightning”
Marcin Mrozi?ski represents  Poland with “Legenda”
Tom Dice represents  Belgium with “Me and My Guitar”
Thea Garrett represents  Malta with “My Dream”
Juliana Pasha represents  Albania with “It’s All About You”
Giorgos Alkaios and Friends represent  Greece with “OPA”
Filipa Azevedo represents  Portugal with “Há dias assim”
Gjoko Taneski, Billy Zver and Pejcin represent  Macedonia with “Jas ja imam silata“
3+2 represent  Belarus with “Butterflies”
Hera Björk represents  Iceland with “Je ne sais quoi”

The rest of the post, under a cut because so many youtube videos make some browsers crash:

Seguir leyendo

The King of Fried Chicken.

Siguiendo una iniciativa de cierto comentario de Menéame, aquí va, copia de la caché de google de cierto artículo de cierto tipo en la Inciclopedia:

No existe el canon digital. No, eso os lo habéis “inventao” los medios. Lo que existe es una cosa que se llama, remuneración compensatoria por copia privada, que se paga en “tó” los países de Europa. Y no tengo nada más que decir.

Ramoncín sobre lo paradójico.

” Ramoncín ha sido el artista más grande que ha dado este país.”

Alguien idiota que no conoce a Sabina, Los Salvajes, Siniestro Total, Serrat, Los Enemigos, Aviador Dro, Derribos Arias, Lola Flores, Buenas Noches Rose, Los Planetas, Heroes del Silencio, etc.

” Alguien que tiene como mote “El Rey del Pollo Frito” no se merece mi respeto.”

Todo el mundo sobre el rey del pollo frito.

“Eres bueeeno, tíooo (-robando-)…”

Teddy Bautista sobre el responsable del canocídio.

“¿De qué te preocupas? A ti nadie te va a piratear.”

Alguien sobre la popularidad de Mamoncín.

José Ramón Julio Martínez Márquez o Mamoncín, nombre artístico de El Rey del pollo Frito. Cantante, guitarrista, músico, punki, drogodependiente, flipado, convencido de sí mismo, megalómano, militante del PSOE o PSGAE (Dentro de éste se le conoce como Amado Líder), intelectual, presentador, contertuliano, vividor, ex-cantante, ex-guitarrista, ex-músico, ex-punki, marqués, vividor del cuento, púgil aficionado anti-periodistas y ejecutivo español.

«¡Qué guapo soy! Me molo a mí mismo.». Detrás se puede ver el ojo del “Gran Hermano del PSGAE, cuyo líder es Ramoncín”

Origen

Respecto a este misterio digno de Fríker Jiménez existen varias teorías:

Teoría Teddista

Esta teoría sostiene que un joven Osito de peluche comenzaba en ese lucrativo negocio del robo al por mayor antipirateo cuando se le ocurrió hacerse con los favores del gran Bill Gates. Bill se negó alegando que si le apeteciese hacerse empresario serio, pondría cualquier tienda de todo a 60 céntimos y al cabo de dos meses estaría cotizando en bolsa a base de repartir fotos en posición de ataque entre sus competidores.

R4M0NC1N ensayando la mirada que le echaría a Gates durante su persuasión.

Ante esta negativa, Teddy decidió elaborar un robot que persuadiese a Bill. Para ello se vistió con albornoz blanco, se puso los blancos pelos de punta con Llorlli y bisturí en mano comenzó a crear un ser semicibernético en el sótano de su casa, entre la mesa de cadáveres diseccionados y la caldera diabólica de “Solo en casa”. Utilizó el cuerpo del que hacía de Brandon en “Sensación de Vivir” (que veía esto como un giro a su carrera), una napia de un teleñeco y un disquete de 3 y medio con el arranque del Windows 3.1 (que era lo último en tecnología en esa época) como cerebro. Lo bautizó como R4M0NC1N 3.1 y lo mandó de misión persuasiva.

Cuando regresó de la mansión espacial de verano de Bill, R4M0NC1N venía hecho una mierda trizas. Humillado, el joven Teddy recluyó su creación durante años.

Pasado un tiempo, el pequeño Teddy se había hecho mayor y más rico. En general, era feliz desplumando a la gente, pero tenía una espinita clavada. Se la desclavó y de repente se acordó de su R4M0NC1N. Decidió que sería buena muñeca hinchable mano derecha y lo arregló (es un decir). Intentó rebajarle la napia para dulcificar sus rasgos y que así provocará menos aversión entre la gente pero no tuvo mucho éxito. El rostro quedó desfigurado como se puede comprobar, pero el disquete fue sustituído por un CD Intenso de 700Mb con la Encarta bajada del Emule que va actualizando introduciéndole cierta protuberancia de la entrepierna en una toma de teléfono. Escogió nombres y apellidos al azar y lo reinsertó en la sociedad.

Desgraciadamente, al igual que había pasado con la oveja Dolly, sus funciones motoras se fueron degradando a un ritmo 4 veces superior al normal, por lo que R4M0NC1N pasó de mearse literalmente en la gente a hacerlo metafóricamente, pero con la misma mala uva con la que le fue inculcada esa función originalmente.

Teoría Irreal

Esta teoría afirma que Ramoncín tiene padre y madre y que creció como una persona normal. Un día se hizo “músico” y fue “famoso”. Cabe destacar que esta teoría es muy minoritaria por sus muchas lagunas. Por ejemplo, ¿cómo un punki pasa a formar parte de una sociedad? Además, como buen músico se le supone una amplia colección de discos, lo cual lleva a dos conclusiones, o se arruinó en su compra por el alto precio de originales o una hipocresia superlativa al hacerse con copias piratas.

Otras teorías

Hay multitud de teorías adicionales sobre los orígenes de Ramoncín. Hay quienes piensan que es un extraterrestre venido del planeta Krypton; otros piensan que ha venido del pasado a través de una máquina del tiempo. Algunos lo relacionan con Canon-Zhin, aunque cualquier parecido entre ese personaje y Ramoncín es pura coincidencia. Hay quienes piensan que puede ser otro experimento de Frankenstein, versión española. Sea lo que sea, este tío no cae bien.

Vida

Afamado combatiente nacional, miembro de la Junta Directiva de La Innombrable que, para sorpresa del resto de sus asociados, también ha conseguido un disco de diamante por su obra “La…”, esto… por su obra… “El…”. ¡Por su obra!. Su vida hasta los cuarenta se caracterizó por orinar sobre su público y presentar el Lingo gracias a su Encarta impantantada.

Fuentes desinformadas de la Inciclopedia no ven relación entre la empresa que lleva la cuenta de los supuestos discos vendidos (La Innombrable), la que da el premio (La Innombrable), y el hecho de que Ramoncín formara parte del consejo de dicha ONG.

Ramoncín se hizo famoso entre otras cosas gracias a una pequeña discusion (en la que solo estuvo a punto de matar a los periodistas) en la que se podia haber desgraciado su precioso rostro(o eso cree el)lo cual habria sido una hecatombe para todo el pais en general y para su gran trayectoria como “Famoso”.

Este lugar posee a partir de ahora un aura protectora contra fantasmas.

Últimamente se le ha atribuido un poder que podría ser llamado “Proyección Astral” (presumiblemente adquirida al travestirse como Prue Halliwell tras la muerte de ésta). La Proyección Astral le permite proyectarse desde debajo de la mesa de T. Bautista a cualquier lugar en el que algún terrorista pederasta esté descargando música ilegalmente.

También es capaz de aparecer misteriosamente en festivales de prestigio nacional donde su aparición puede ser rechazada violentamente inapropiada, aunque afortunadamente existe un ritual de exorcismo a fin de hacerlo regresar a su esfera existencial, y que básicamente consiste en entonar un cántico monótono y grave cuya letra se compone de una sola vocal: “U”, al mismo tiempo que se lanzan sobre él una serie de amuletos purificadores, que pueden consistir en ramas de olivo, crucifijos o, en su defecto, cantos rodados.

Citas

  • “Yo me hice famoso porque era el que más botellas del Águila mangaba”
    • Fuente: TVE [2]
  • “Yo he pedido el voto para el Partido Socialista y para Felipe González….yyyyy…..lo he hecho por una razón fundamental: porque quiero y porque me de la gana, porque soy un ciudadano libre.
    • Fuente: Vídeo electoral del PSOE

¿Sabías que..

  • …si te ve comiendo pollo frito te obliga a pagarle derechos de autor?
  • …se hace liftings con el dinero del canon?
  • …sus discos valen más en el top manta que en las tiendas de discos?
  • …baja porno con el emule desde el ordenador de su despacho en la Innombrable?
  • …no se ha operado la nariz, como rumores dicen, si no que se la hundió un mafioso dueño de un top-manta, de una patada?
  • …pensó en ponerse el Rey de la polla hasta que estuvo en el jacuzzi con los de la Innombrable?
  • …Ramoncín es el nombre de mi perro?
  • …Alguien que pone a su perro el nombre de Ramoncin, debe ser denunciado a la protectora de animales por maltrato psicologico?
  • …Se aparece por todo sitio porque hizo mas de 10 copias ilegales de él mismo?
  • …si dices “Ramoncín” 3 veces delante de un espejo, tu hermano/a/madre/padre/perro/hurón pensará que te mola Ramoncín y entrará en tu habitación cabreado para darte de hostias?

(Y lo categorizo en The Sound of Music porque bien que mal tiene que ver con música)

¿Bareback? No, gracias.

Acabo de enterarme, vía Menéame, que los productores de porno en Hollywood están buscando marcharse a otra parte si se lleva a cabo la propuesta del gobierno de prohibir la filmación de porno bareback.

Para todos los que no sepan lo que es eso, este post va sobre VIH y videos para adultos. De temática gay, para más inri. Si alguna de las tres cosas no les gusta, no sigan leyendo, gracias.

Y como disclaimer: La mayoría de los enlaces que hay aquí son altamente NSFW. No me hago responsable por ninguna consecuencia que tenga el hacer click en ellos. Seguir leyendo

D.E.P. Doble.

Rayos, ¿Por qué toda la gente buena se muere?

Se encontraron muerto a Stephen Gately.

El protagonista de “Better” y José el Soñador. En su momento, me ayudó mucho saber que alguien como él haía salido del clóset.

(Sé que la gente mala también se muere. Pero eso jode menos.)

D.E.P.

Acabo de leer que se ha muerto Mercedes Sosa, una de las cantantes a las que más he admirado en mi vida, tanto por sus ideales como por su talento. Una gran voz donde las hubiera, vamos.

De tributo, aquí un enlace a una de sus canciones que más me gustan, un dueto con Nana Mouskouri: El Credo de la Misa Campesina.

What the…?

No tengo idea de por qué los últimos tres o cuatro posts se borraron, y por desgracia no tengo un respaldo, así que debo considerarlos perdidos.

Por tanto, comenzaré de nuevo a partir del fin del hiatus, a partir de YA.

(Lo próximo, reviews de Wicked, Were The World Mine y The Breakfast Club, más o menos en ese orden)