Because dreams come for free:

Saint Louis, 1926. The years of prohibition. A world full of glamour and danger.

The Little Daisy cafe tries to outlive his founder, Atlas, misteriously murdered. But things are not easy.

Tom Welling

Tom Welling as Nicodeme

Dita Von Teese

Dita Von Teese as Seraphine

Arnold Schwarzenegger

Arnold Schwarzenegger as Viktor

Joseph Gordon-Levitt

Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Zib

Kathy Bates

Kathy Bates as Nina

AnnaSophia Robb as Ivy

Hugo Weaving

Hugo Weaving as Mordecai

Dita Von Teese

Ewan McGregor as Wick

Eva Green

Eva Green as Mitzy

And starring:

Shawn Pyfrom as Freckle

Shawn Pyfrom

And Nathaniel David Becker as Rocky

Nathaniel David Becker

LACKADAISY, THE MOVIE.

COMING SOON

Yes, I know Dita Von Teese is not an actress. So what? That’s why she’s gonna be paired with Tom Welling. No one’s ever gonna notice…

Frases para la posteridad presenta

“El problema de ser la hermana del primer ministro es que pone tu vida bajo una perspectiva muy dura. ¿Qué hizo mi hermano hoy? Luchó por su país. ¿Y yo? Yo hice la cabeza de una langosta en papel maché.

Love actually, que mi hermano  me está obligando a verla y es GENIAL.

Eurovision country statistics, just because.

Most victories: Ireland (7 : 1970, -80, -87, -92, -93, -94, -96)

Most consecutive victories: Ireland (-92, -93, -94). The only other countries with consecutive victories are Spain (-68, -69) and Israel (-78, -79).

Most top-two placings: United Kingdom (20).

Most consecutive top-two placings: United Kingdom (4: 1967-70)

Most top-five placings: United Kingdom (29)

Most consecutive top-five placings: United Kingdom (1967-77)

Most top-ten placings: United Kingdom (42)

Most consecutive top-ten placings: United Kingdom (1957-77)

Most top-two, top-five and top-ten placings without a win: Malta (2 top-two placings, 5 top-five placings, and twelve top-ten placings, without ever winning)

mMost times entering the contest: Germany (all but one, in 1997)

Most consecutive times entering: United Kingdom (every year since 1958)

Most times entering without ever withdrawing: Spain (every year since their debut in 1960), followed by Croatia (18)

Most times entering before winning: Finland (39 entries before first victory)

Most times entering without winning: Portugal (44 entries and counting)

Least times entering before winning: 0 (Switzerland in 1956 and Serbia in 2007 won in their debuts). If considering that Serbia had entered as part of Serbia and Montenegro, and that Switzerland couldn’t enter before 1956 because the Contest didn’t exist, then the record would go to Netherlands (1957) and Ukraine (2004), both winning in their second attempt.

Most last placings: Norway (10)

Most consecutive last placings: Germany (1964-65)

Most times entering before placing last: United Kingdom (45, they came last in 2003)

Most times entering without placing last: France (53 and counting), followed by Israel (33) and Greece (31)

Most victories without ever placing last: France (5)

Most last placings without ever winning: Malta and Portugal (3)

Winning countries that don’t take part anymore: Luxembourg and Monaco.

Winning countries that don’t exist anymore: Yugoslavia (And maybe West Germany)

Placing last and winning next year: Luxembourg (1960-61), Netherlands (1958-59 and  68-69), and Belgium (1985-86)

Winning and placing last next year: Netherlands (1957-58), which gives them the unique feature of winning, then placing last, and then winning again.

The only winner that has never hosted the contest is Monaco.

The only country that has hosted the contest without having previously won is Germany, host in 1957. However, they won later.

And finally, a funny record: Since 1996, no country has ever won more than once. Here’s the full list:

1996: Ireland

1997: United Kingdom

1998: Israel

1999: Sweden

2000: Denmark

2001: Estonia

2002: Latvia

2003: Turkey

2004: Ukraine

2005: Greece

2006: Finland

2007: Serbia

2008: Russia

2009: Norway

2010: Germany

2011: Azerbaijan

And, for all countries between 2001 and 2008, this was their first victory.

Oh, my God, you guys!

Yep. Hace un par de días vi el musical de Legalmente Rubia en vivo y en directo, en español. Creo que desde Mamma Mia, hace algo así como siglo y medio, no me la pasaba tan bien en un musical. Y Mamma Mia la traían de Broadway.

Haciendo cuentas, yo creía que había muy pocos musicales que hubiera visto en más de una presentación, y resulta que no. Legalmente Rubia lo he visto en teatro grabado para televisión y en teatro en vivo. José el Soñador, Mamma Mia y El Violinista en el Tejado los he visto en teatro y en película. Hairspray y Vaselina, más o menos. He visto trozos en teatro, y las películas completas.  Creo que sólo Oliver!, Oklahoma, Vaselina 2, West Side Story y 7 novias para 7 hermanos los he visto sólo en película. Y sólo en teatro… ¿Imagination cuenta?

El caso es, en resumen, que me divertí como enano. Aunque perdí mi paraguas, me quedé sin dinero, me mojé un poco y etcétera, estuvo genial. Y es sorprendente lo mucho que lograron hacer con un presupuesto relativamente limitado (Digo, Una vez en la Isla fue un alarde insuperable de ingenio al respecto, pero esto no se quedó demasiado corto).

Y además, captaron bastante bien el espíritu del musical. Es un hecho que en un musical traducido es muy difícil conseguir que las letras encajen perfectamente, y siendo honesto, no lo consiguieron. Muchas frases sonaban forzadas, algunas incluso innecesariamente forzadas. Pero no fueron imperdonablemente muchas ni imperdonablemente forzadas, aunque claro, no hay NADA que no esté dispuesto a perdonarle a un musical de Legalmente Rubia, excepto la peluca marylinesca que le pusieron a Brooke.

Music Angel, por cierto, hizo una Brooke bastante convincente. Pero por Dios, la peluca… no, simplemente no.

Y su novio, digamos simplemente que se comió el papel con papas y mostaza. Tanto, que no le hicieron falta canas para ser un Callahan perfecto. Fue mi interpretación favorita de la obra. Y no hay derecho a que un chico heterosexual se vea TAN bien de traje. Ñam ñam.

Lo chistoso es que los protagónicos (Léase, Elle y Emmett), fueron las interpretaciones menos memorables de la obra. Como que les faltó darle alma al personaje. Creo que Warner me cayó mejor que Emmett, y es WARNER. Incluso contando con mi falta de objetividad, porque el chico que hacía de Warner está bastante mejor que el de Emmett (qué puedo decir, soy humano), la interpretación en sí misma fue bastante mejor.

La línea más memorable de la noche: “Más gay que Juan Gabriel”. En ese momento les perdoné a los traductores todas las líneas forzadas que había escuchado y que faltaba por escuchar. Eso fue oro puro.

Y el momento más divertido de la noche: las cosas que NO salieron bien en “Take it like a man”. Todos los movimientos del cambiador, las puertas que no cerraban, el chico intentando ponerse los pantalones con una mano y detener las puertas con la otra, mientras se detenía con la tercera y descubría que los humanos sólo tenemos dos manos, también fue oro puro.

Hello… Kitty!

Frases para la posteridad presenta:

“Está bien, hagamos que el amor nos patee el trasero”.

Love Actually

Eurovision Review. The Final: True musicians.

Disclaimer: This will get updated a LOT. School calls. So, if you see I haven’t reached Georgia and the Marcel Bezencon Awards, come back in a couple weeks.

I got stood up for the final. I invited four friends and only one came over. I invited my cousin and my brother to have the perspective of some straight males, but my brother stopped to drink a glass of soda and left. And my cousin was asleep. So there were we, a couple gay guys with more soda we could drink, ready to have fun.

TVE got rid (thanks) of Uribarri, and instead brought us some guy named Iñigo. He’s nice and doesn’t try to make the whole damn thing revolve around him, but he never shuts up. Ever. At first it’s annoying (it’s not like they’re paying him for talking, is it?), but when I discover that spares me of Stefan joking with Ange it becomes super. Oh, yeah, Iñigo, talk to me!

The show starts with Ange and Judith proving their dresses are not for walking, while Stefan redeems himself by showing Satellite can actually sound good. You better do it, guy, because you’re to blame for that song winning. Rock it is actually the least you can do. Suddenly, a bunch of Lenas join him onstage, and then the real Lena appears too. This is all about her, damn it. If she wins again, the next stage is gonna have the shape of her face. And I’ll have nightmares forever.

Aaaaaaanddd… Ready… Set…

Finland, again, is giving us the most underrated song of the year and doing it with total class. C’mon, Europe! He’s a cute guy singing about saving the world! How can you NOT fall in love with him? I don’t get it. At all.

21st. The first song in the final, and justice is already dead. What hopes have we got then?

Dino calls from one side of the stage. A girl responds, and the next take reveals that they’re missing each other by… ok, they’re almost back to back. It all goes downhill from there, in a quite hilarious way if you ask me. The fake piano playing, the guitar holding, the jumps, and the triangle man, oh, the triangle man! He might be even better than the crotchsax players Moldova sent last year. The curtains are pretty cool, too, and then there’s group waving and they blow kisses to the camera. Not in the big leagues, but not so bad either.

6th. A little excesive if you ask me.

Denmark is sending Jedward’s older brother. Of course, he’s so embarrased of them that he’ll deny it, but the hair betrays him. Apparently, he’s trying to do sign language, and forgot to go to the bathroom before performing. Besides that, this is great. I’m glad they bought the balls.

5th. Well done, Denmark.

Lithuania has lots of rack, lots of ass, enough sign language to make us feel back in the naughties and a dress even worse than those of Ange and Judith. And an impossibly Disney camerawork. C’mon, when’s the movie? If the graphics are decent, I’d love it, I’m sure. Besides, it has a sorrow/tomorrow rhyme. That, people, is not an Eurovision classic: it’ s a universal music, neverending forever classic. Even Barbra Streisand did it once.

19th. Higher than Finland, believe it or not.

For reasons only known to God and the dress director, Katy Wolf from Hungary is wearing a cute little hat on her finger, her dress ends where most skirts usually start, and her backing performers have lights on their bodies. Crotches included. This is utterly fabulous, I tell you. And she really can sing. Even if it’s so… something, it’s a must.

22nd. What? Katy, you were robbed, honey, ROBBED!

Ireland is using the LEDs to proyect an  80’s James Bond opening, and then gives us the perfect James Bond villains: Creepy twins with weird hair! I hope there are producers watching this, because this guys are a freaking goldmine. And someone (maybe Iñigo?) lets us know that they’re entering because they want to be recognized everywhere they go. I knew they were evil: First Eurovision, then the world!

8th. Someone shoot them, please.

What are you doing, Sweden? You’re ruining a perfectly good Eric Saade! If he’s so cute and hot and yummy, why do you have to give him such an abominable song and sucky choreography? Not even my vain and shallow side responds to this, and that’s much to say. Believe it or  not, the most they show are their shoulders… add the Big Eye of Sauron watching from behind, and this is officially lost for me.

3rd. 3RD? Are you fucking kidding me, Europe?

Estonia has magic tricks! And gummy buildings popping in the background! Oh, this is sooooo colorful and senseless that it actually becomes cute, but everyone here has weird faces (Getter the most) that make me think they’re actually evil. Maybe they will team up with Jedward to conquer the world.

24th. And whe was supposed to be a frontrunner. Sigh.

Greece sent Loukas Giorkas with a beautiful traditional ballad, but somehow a guy keeps messing with the song and music and  interrupting Loukas every time he tries to sing. And no one, NO ONE, does anything to stop this vandalism. Where’s security when you need them?

7th. Greece, apparently, is determined to prove that this is all a big fat joke.

Thanks, Russia, for waking us up! Even if you waste a great opportunity to show us chests, got leds on your shoes, and apparently didn’t have enough LED screens and had to bring a pair of your own, you’re catchy and likable. And unitnentionally funny, specially when Alex & Company try to entice us showing us their glowing backs Last time I checked, that was sexy for abyssal fishes in heat. Which I’m not.

I loved the Ah! at the end. Sounds like a soda ad, doesn’t it?

16th. The worst result Russia has had in like forever. I hope he’s not punished that hard: he’s too hot for Siberia.

Amaury Vassili from France forgot his hair and had to borrow some from Dana International. Also, there was a failure that let us know that the LED screen runs on Windows. But his main problem is neither of those, no. His main problem is that he misses the first note he sings. And the second. And the fourth. From then on, he slides into desperation, trying to regain his nerves and failing. At the end, after what surely was the longest three minutes of his life, he gives us the most tortured smile ever.

15th. Poor dude.

Before Italy starts, Iñigo informs us that this singer is a true musician. What the hell is he doing here? Besides that, now I know in every song I will be wondering wether I’m seeing a true musician. You just ruined Eurovision for me, Iñigo, thank you very much.

This really begs to be listened while drinking on a bar. He yells like crap, but hey, he has the True Musician Seal granted by Iñigo, so it’s okay.

And to prove it, he comes SECOND. Europe really needs Italy’s money, don’t they?

Switzerland is going all Carebears and fluff on us. Look, they have colored clouds in the background, and stars, and bubbles! Bubbles, for God’s love! It only needs some rainbows and unicorns to be perfect. Anna loosened up a bit, and became quite lovely on her own, akward way. Wow.

Aaaaaandddd… last! 25th! Damn you, Europe, this was adorkable!

The guys from United Kingdom bring four extra LED screens for their act. And then… they thought it was a good idea to display digitally enhanced images of themselves for us to compare. Brilliant! And, since they’re a huge group with songs on the charts and stuff, probably they’re even true musicians.

Eleventh. Say thank you, boys.

I think I’m high, or… no, I’m not high. Moldova is just doing… something. Totally absurd. Dear God. Funny nonsense, right, and I find myself repelled and fascinated by the lollypop gnomes in the background.

Twelfth.WHAT. Doesn’t matter, actually. I would have said that whatever they placed.

Lena needs a full-force exorcism. And, after what she’s done there, the whole stage might use one as well.I don’t know what’s scarier, her face, her dancers, or the dancers projections in the screen.

Tenth. No, of course she’s not a true musician. She’s a nightmare in stilettos.

The lead singer from Romania is good on the eyes. He’s also full of himself enough to be a tease, but not enought to be a bother, and he looks at the camera like he knows exactly what I want. I know it’s the cheapest trick of them all, but what an I say, I’m human.

My friend complains that this is the third song in the night about saving the world, but my brain can’t process it right now. It’s too busy stripping David Bryan. Wow. Then there comes a sing-and-clap-along-moment. Romania clearly loves their dirty tricks this year.

17th. You were awesome, Romania!

Austria is being totally perfect! This is how you should sing a Disney Ballad. Whoah, I love you, Austria, this is great!

18th, because Europe is blind and deaf.

And there he comes Azerbaijan, opening with an big white octopus! Yeah, not anything we haven’t seen before, but it’s all quite neatly done. They spent the first half of the song without even realizing the other is in the same country, let alone in the same stage. And they only touch in the last 30 seconds. And the choreography is dull, but somehow they manage to make it all fit perfectly.

Winner! Does that mean they’re true musicians?

With a singer like the one Slovenia has, the song doesn’t matter. It’s just a pretext to put inexistant thorned orchids on the screen and spend three minutes watching Maja look hot dressed in gold and plastic and spinning her wrist. Which she does like no one (Oh look at me I’m so clever).

13th.

Iceland has… well… a coffee bar band, I guess. Not bad, but not outstanding, either. They’re nice, and that’s all. Not even the gay kiss (dullest gay kiss ever, btw) can give more life to this.

20th. Whatever.

Spain is rubbing on Europe’s face that, if they can’t get the best placing, at least they have the best sun and sand and parties. Don’t let the lack of a true song fool you, this girl is a true singer. You can’t tell it because she takes what could be a BoomBoomtastic act and turns it into a great thing. I loved every single camp, fabulous, terrific second of this!

23rd. No kidding! Europe deserves to die.

If you thought Dima Bilan had crossed the line with his ice skater, wait till you see this: Ukraine has Maleficent doing sand drawings. What’s next? Cooking, kniting, sculpting? I better not give them ideas. However, it helps distracting us and making us forget how bad it sounds in English. Crystal white? Really? Since when crystal is white? She does a better eagle than Aurela, though. Also, it took an eternity to start (and by that I mean fifteen seconds)

4th. Seriously? I can’t believe this.

Serbia’s committed to rock the house down. And if that means they have to trigger epileptic attacs over all Europe, so be it. There are no words to say how great this is. How totally, absolutely, completely, unbeatably great this is. I love you, Serbia!

14th. Like really, Europe, what the heck’s wrong with you?

And then it comes Georgia’s combo of Amy Winehouse plus Stereo Mike and honestly, the less you say about them, the better.

And they get ninth somehow. Damn it.

Then comes the voting. My friend and I do a little coferencing after the first votes, and we decide we don’t want Popular to win, so we cheer for anybody else. People boo when other countries do the shameless yearly point exchange, but get wild when Germany and neighbours do the same. I love seeing all familiar faces: Dima, Ruslana, Sofia, Safura, that guy from Miodio, and Aisha, whom I hate when she tries to sing, but whom I love instantly for the magnificent way whe slaps Eric on the face in literally the last possible moment.

So that was it. My personal top 5 was:

1. Serbia

2. Finland

3. Azerbaijan

4. Romania

5. Hungary

The couch’s top five was:

1. Serbia

2. Azerbaijan

3. Spain

4. Finland

5. A tie between Romania and Austria.

And the special awards were:

Marcel Bezencon’s Press Award goes to… Finland! Congrats, Oskar!

Marcel Bezencon’s Comentator Award is for… Ireland!

And the Composer Award goes to France. As a consolation prize. I felt an evil pleasure watching him whine when he received his last 12 points from Belgium.

Finally, the Barbara Dex Award went to Georgia. I would have given it to Ireland, but still is a deserved award.

Eurovision review. Semi 2: Good nonsense.

I watched the first semi because it was holiday in Mexico and I had the day off. But in the second I had school, so this is all going to be commented from youtube videos.

On the bright side, I almost didn’t have to hear Stefan and Ange. A little, yeah, because I could wander off and see the very end of the semi, but I was spared of most of their bad humour. Thank God.

And, if the theme for the first semi was legs, the theme for the second is the What The Factor. You know, when you’re left wondering What The…?

Exactly that. It starts with a sober Dino Merlin from Bosnia and a gorgeous Nadine Beiler from Austria. Bot passed, so…

Netherlands has pretty boring nonsense. The song is mildly good, but the staging is a waste of a white suit. Even if it’s 100% Bee Gees and has Val Kilmer on the guitar, it’s too dead. Sorry, Netherlands. Try Vader Abraham again next year.

No, not qualifying.

Belgium didn’t get the memo that vocal groups never work in Eurovision, and is giving us a totally classy nonsense. With no music, no antics, and quite an interesting act. If it serves as a consolation, I like them, but somehow they manage to make their three minutes last twice the other countries’.

Neither. Get the memo, Belgium!

Slovakia kidnapped Nikki from Azerbaijan! And cloned her! No, wait, it’s Twiins. They’re not even giving us nonsense. Meh. At least they have pretty dresses.

No, not qualifying. Sorry, Slovakia.

Then we have Ukraine with sand drawing, the most ourageous nonsense on the night by Moldova, and Eric Saade, he of the Disney Channel fame, from Sweden. All of them passing.

Cyprus has giant shiny lollypops and black diamonds on the background. And a shouting woman. I’ve got to admit they did a great job bringing to life a dead and buried song. They also got Michael Jackson’s magic shoes and great arms. Quite nice, actually.

Not qualifying, I don’t know if for good or bad.

Bulgaria has water and full force fans. But she left the keytar at home, which makes me sad. Still, she’s good. Even when she starts jumping like Aurela Gace, but with class. Weird, but classy.

Not qualifying. What? Maybe if she had sung in English…

Aaaandddd… Macedonia gets the award for best nonsense of the year, for delivering us a giant spinning cube with “Rusinka” on cyrilics, a spiral in the floor, and that guy… oh, that guy! Just look at him! He doesn’t know he’s on Eurovision, he doesn’t know what Eurovision is, and probably he doesn’t even know he’s live. He just knows he has a guitar in his hands and a microphone infront of him, and that he has to ROCK!

MUSIKA!

Not qualifying. This was awful, but enticing. I don’t like you, Europe.

Dana International, from Israel, singing Ding Dong. I have no words to say how disappointed I am right now.

No, not because she didn’t pass, but because she didn’t deserve to pass. (I know, I can’t believe I said it either). Look at her, she’s commiting every single unforgivable Eurovision sin there is. The camerawork is mediocre, the dress is awful and no, she wasn’t having a bad hair day. She was having a HORRIBLE hair day. Yeah, she rocks the stage, but honestly, you would expect a lot more from La Diva.

Not qualifying. Sorry, Dana, but you earned it. I feel really, absolutely, totaly betrayed by my two favourites this year.

Then we have Maja Keuc from Slovenia, who stole Magdalena’s outfit and attitude, a hot guy from Romania and cute nonsense from Estonia. All of them passed.

Anna Vinnikova loves Belarus, clearly. Also, she clearly had no clue of what to do with a LED screen. But the problem here is neither one. The problem here is that whenever one of the backing singers opens her mouth, she sounds bad BAD. But if this was an instrumental, I would have loved Belarus, no doubt of that.

Nope, not qualifying.

Someone commented on youtube: “I love Belarus, got a dick inside.” Now go, listen to the song, and try not to think about it. You’ll fail.

The dudes from Latvia knew you had to improve your song for Eurovision, so they did a brave and daring move: they swapped positions.

Just kidding, they didn’t. Only a camera trick, see? The song is e-x-a-c-t-l-y like it was in the national final: the same pointless lyrics, the same dumb moves and the same clothes. I hope at least they washed and ironed them for the ocassion. Oh, bravo, fake rap. The lead can really sing, but why, why this song?

Not passing. Figures.

And then a guy without back on his shirt from Denmark (glad to see they brought the balls) and the Scary Twins from Ireland. The intermission was a strange mix of ballet, classic music and breakdance. Pretty more interesting than the drums they used for first semi. Oh, and by the way, Ange, “Buenas Tardes” does NOT mean “Good night” in Spanish.

Off to the final!

 

Eurovision review. Semi 1: Legs get down to business!

Here we go. In the middle of my final exams and with a lot to catch up with, so this will go really slow. If you enter here and there are less than nineteen songs, come back in a week. Or three.

The theme for this semi were, of course, girl’s legs. On all sizes and shapes, most of them gorgeous… so there:

The only channel broadcasting Eurovision here in Mexico was TVE, and only the one that transmitted the final, so I had to watch all of it online. It was nice, because… no comentators! Yeah! Still, I have to put up with Stefan and Ange trying to be funny, but nobody said life would be perfect.

And we open with Magdalena Tul, from Poland, singing Jestem. See what I told you? Legs. Apparently, Poland decided they didn’t have money to host the next contest, so they took away all the coolnes they could. They took away the leather, the full force acrobatics, half the choreography, and if they didn’t take away the song and the singer is because they didn’t have money for a fine either. I feel so let down right now.

Not qualifying, and what can I say… I understand it.

The next legs to grace our stage belong to Norway’s Stella Mwangi with Haba Haba. That’s a very nice use of LED’s going back there, you see. And the song is cute.

I still don’t get why she didn’t pass. Maybe the dress. I’m sure if she sits on that dress she’s  not gonna notice the floor.

Albania sends Aurela Gace, less scary than I thought she’d be and with a great LED show, but the rest is pretty forgettable, even with the fireworks, fog and massive use of fans. It’s supposed to be eagle-themed, but Aurela ruins it with her body language.

Not qualifying. Meh.

Armenia. Dear God. What can you do if you’re the Ultimate Armenian Pop Diva, and they send you to Eurovision with the Ultimate Armenian Pop Shit? Well, Emmy quickly realized that there’s no need to waste her skills, so she’s gonna save face and make clear that if she’s making a fool of herself in front of twenty countries, it’s because she can… Look at her, sitting on a box glove bigger than her and with her name on diamonds, with boxers (pity that they stayed covered, btw) and the stupidest use of LEDs we’re gonna see, having a ball and basically giving us all the finger. How great is that?

Suck on that, Europe, Emmy is big enough to sing crap at your face!

Oh, yeah, and… LEGS!

Not qualifying. She did all she could, but this song was Doom Doomed since the beginning (oh, look at me I’m so clever)

Someone commented on Youtube:  (.)(.) Nice.

Turkey, on the other hand, is prety artsy. You can tell because they’re singing rock! No legs here, sorry. Just a bunch of dudes who didn’t bother on picking their outfits. Barbara Dex Award for them? Maybe.

Something moves on a cage behind the lead singer. I think it was against the rules to bring animals onstage, but when we see the face, it becomes clear it’s not an animal. Neither human: it’s a Cirque du Soleil artist, twisting in anguish, trying to make us understand her agony.

Oh, look, there’s also a Theremin! That’s awesome. The thing goes on for a couple minutes more, and then the prisoner grows wings and breaks free. Then she strangles her captors with her feet and flies away, but we can’t see it because they cut to the next postcard.

Not qualifying. How could they? They’re dead. See, Turkey, that’s why you shouldn’t mess with Cirque du Soleil artists.

Then we had the Pink Ladies from Serbia and the T-Birds from Russia, more legs from Switzerland, a bad rock group by Georgia and the cutest song of the year from Finland. All of them qualified, so I’m not gonna discuss them here.

Malta is overdoing the eyebrows and underdoing the outfits. Sadly, this kind of things don’t cancel each other out. The song is like Born This Way, but sung by a dude and plainer. Humm… no, thanks. A big gay act needs a big gay song. This is good for a little gay song, but falls  short for Eurovision. Bether luck on the nightclub circuit, Glen, you deserve it.

Not qualifying. As I said, he belongs with the nightclubs.

Senit knows her act is dead before she starts, so she can do whatever she wants. Including having bad hair, half showing her legs, going crazy with the fog and, giving us a quality song. I bet Chiara’s throwing things at the TV. This is so her style it hurts.

Not qualifying, of course. She was totally robbed.

Daria, from Croatia.

LEGS!… ejem, let’s be professional.

Croatia was robbed AGAIN. Damn you, Europe. They saw nobody else was going to do clothes changes, so they did TWO so we got our share of these as well as magic tricks, fireworks, disco beat and, in a nutshell, distilled Euroshit of the best kind, and this is how you pay them?

Of course, the last dress is from when her mother was her age (or may be from when Lilian Gish was her age), but still this is the coolest thing we’re gonna see on the night. Not to mention that she’s the only one daring to use the catwalk.I can almost hear all the other artists in the green room:

Stella: Wait… you could use the catwalk?

Evelina: Use the catwalk? WHY for God’s love would you do that?

Paradise Oskar: Are you telling me you could move?

(By the way, a friend of mine spotted a Mexican flag when she went downt to the catwalk. I don’t know who that bastard is, but I hate them. I sould be there, not them)

Not qualifying. I don’t love you, Europe.

Then we have a bunch of soft Icelandic dudes with a soft Icelandic ballad, and a Hungarian housemom gone disco. Both qualified.

Portugal is shouting a big “Fuck you” in the face of Europe, and doing it in the worst… best… worst… possible way. The point of this song, is of course, to be pointless and ridiculous, but at the same time, making a point so serious that it’s forbidden in Eurovision. And they do it. Wow.

Also, random camerawork and no stage tricks.Where do you think you are, folks? This is bloody Eurovision!

Qualify? With this shown like this? In your dreams!

Someone commented in youtube: Okay, what has Portugal been smoking?

Then we had the last round of qualifiers: Lithuania, Azerbaijan, and (sigh) Greece. Yup. We got rid of Turkey and Armenia, two of the traditional heavyweights, but Greece apparently was too much to ask. Well, at least Finland and Serbia passed.

Off to semi 2!

Quick thoughts about the second semi.

I have been SO let down this year. Dana killed her act in a horrible way. The song was epic, but everything else was NOT.

I couldn’t see the second semi. Why? School, that’s why. I only got to see the last four acts, clinging on the university Wi-Fi who froze when Latvia started, and returned when Denmark was starting. Then, in the recaps (both of them), it froze again when Latvia was onscreen.

Apparently that Wi-Fi has good taste on music.

Anyway, I like that Austria, Slovenia, Romania and Denmark passed. I don’t root for them, but it’s good. An Ireland is gonna be SO scary.

Quick toughts about the first Semi.

I don’t have a lot of time, so here it goes:

Poland killed their act. Totally. I’m angry at them. Well, actually no. I’m kinda meh. If a week ago someone had told me that I wouldn’t care of Poland not passing, I wouldn’t have believed.

And Croatia was the most awesome thing of the night. She owned the stage and, specially, she owned the catwalk: NINETEEN acts and she was the only one to walk down and use it. I’m angry at Europe.

So, now that Magdalena jumped over a cliff and Daria was buried alive, I only have left Oskar (¡Yay!) and Nina to root for. Well, there’s also Katy, but when I look at her the only thing coming to my mind is how awful her ring is.

And what about Norway? Did it really have so many broadcasting problems as they say? Because it sounds truly unfair to me.

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No puedo creer que me importe tan poco que Polonia no haya pasado… pero es que mataron su acto. Completamente. Y ni siquiera me enoja. No puedo creer que me deje tan frío, en serio.

En cambio, estoy furioso porque Croacia no pasó. Tal vez fue el mejor acto de la noche, y no sólo por los cambios de vestuario. DIECINUEVE artistas y fue la única que se atrevió a bajarse del escenario.

¿Y qué pasó con Noruega? ¿De verdad tuvo todos los problemas que dicen que tuvo?

Así que ahora que Magdalena se tiró por un acantilado y a Daria la enterraron viva, sólo me quedan Nina y Oskar para alimentar mis esperanzas. Y Katy, pero lo único que puedo ver cuando la miro es su horrible anillo.